Uncontrollably Fond: E20

I walked into this with my eyes wide open. I have no one to blame but myself. I knew this melo was going to have a death at the end so for nineteen episodes I prepared myself, but I left my guard down tonight. I was hoping for some twist, some miracle last minute cure, just anything that wouldn’t separate Joon Young from everyone he loves and from everyone who loves him. If his dog came back I would have lost it even more so thank goodness for small favors. I was on the edge of my seat wondering how will they do this? How will they let us see this character go? How will they find a way that won’t leave us reeling from shock and sadness? The answer was as simple as some of the quieter moments in this drama. The scenes where the cinematography spoke for the characters as they enjoyed the silence and beauty around them. There was nothing dramatic about Joon Young’s death. It’s what he would have wanted. It was when he was the happiest and most content. More importantly, it was when he was ready. It was also when he had some closure. At least he got to say a proper farewell to his mother. That’s the funny thing about death. The body might be gone, but the essence of the person he was remains in the hearts of everyone who loved him. I liked the way his mom described it best. She would see the every day beauty around her and know her son came back to visit with her. It was a way for her to communicate that she would never forget him. It’s a beautiful thought and the best way to remember this drama. I don’t think I will ever view cherry blossoms the same way again without feeling a bit of melancholy and hope.

 

 

E20

Joon drops her off at the hospital and tells the doctor to kill her cuz she wants to die so do your best to kill her. he walks out and a nurse comes out saying the patient’s phone is ringing. he answers and scolds for calling so late.

he sits and looks thru her photos and smiles. he watches her video that she took at the house while waiting for him – she pretend to be an interviewer and answers the questions too. it’s been five hours already since Joon left – arent you worried? no not at all. a son went to visit with his dad so it would be weird to worry. what if he suddenly collapses or an emergency situation occurs then what to do? I will hope something like that doesn’t happen but even if he collapses –   someone will help and call 911 cuz he is our Joon – everyone in the country is worried about him and loves him.  I am really good at waiting. hundred or thousand times I can wait anytime, but what I am most afraid of and fear is there will come a time that I dont need to wait. when I wake one day Joon wont be in the world. she breaks down in tears right along with him.

Joon sits by her side and tells her what her condition is and jokes “the doctors are too busy now but if you come back next time they will be sure to kill you.” the nurse says she doesnt need to be hospitalized and can leave.

they walk along the road. he takes off his coat and scarf and puts it on her. he tells her to piggyback but she doesn’t and walks away. he suddenly looks out at the water and yells “save me – I dont want to die. save me. if I die – what happens to my mom. for all my life I didnt get to properly show respect even once. all I did was live putting nails in my mom’s heart. there are so many things I want to do for my mom so how can I go like this. Eul cries and watches him. Joon yells I want to live. I dont want to die. I want to live. the people I love are all here. I just now got happy with Eul so why just ask me to go- I dont want to go. I want to live. save me. I am afraid. I am afraid. she runs over to him and hugs him. she says over and over I was wrong.

Ji tae watches the news as it reports about the video that was uploaded on a community site online and how many people watched it and that it reveals the culprit behind a hit and run. he sees the footage of JE telling Joon he can’t capture her. the content is shocking but people are in disbelief about the people involved and it lists Joon, choi, JE, her dad, and choi told them he would reveal everything

Choi’s wife sees the news as they list all the people involved and that the hit and run case will reopen. that choi arrived at the police station and he faces reporters. they ask if he is the one mentioned in the video, if everything on there is the truth, and if he is Joon’s father.  he bows and says he will tell the truth. we hear he will be interrogated right away.

uncle watches the news about choi – how if he admits to his crimes, all the punishments he faces. the worker hears that Joon is choi’s son

uncle tells the mom that choi was interviewed and choi personally ordered for the video to be posted on the internet. the one you couldn’t forget all your life and loved -he wasn’t that low at least

choi’s statement is taken down – everything he altered about the hit and run and the political backing he got from Yoon for choi’s involvement

JE is leaving for the airport and telling her dad on the phone that she is leaving the country and for him to take responsibility and handle things. all I did was what you told me to do. you said you would take care of everything and that I only needed to leave for America so I left. to live like nothing happened so I lived that way. to erase it cleanly from my memory so I erased it. what did I do wrong? she puts her bags in the car but cops come over to take her away

Jik is crying on the phone with Eul so she tells him to stop crying. Jik says now dad can close his eyes comfortably huh? without having anything that makes him indignant -right?

Joon asks why she gave the video to choi. she denies giving it and lies someone stole it. Joon accuses you weren’t planning to send it to the broadcasting center huh? Eul: no I was going to give it to them. I was going to send it to Yoon PD but Joon calls out her name so she faces him and finally admits she gave it to choi. I dont need that now. cuz we found the culprit who killed my dad so I am satisfied with that. Joon: if you bury it those people will think they can do that. that it’s ok for them to live like that. and make another victim indignant like your dad. Eul: but he didn’t do that. your dad could have buried it like it never happened but he revealed it to everyone in the world and receiving his punishment.  this is the world I want to believe in. this is the world I believe in.

there is a delivery and Joon asks what it is. she says it’s his dog’s home that he will live in and wants Joon to bring the dog here so she can get close to him. he reminds her of her allergy but she is taking medicine so her allergies are better. if I don’t feel good again I can just take medicine again. I will raise him from now on. you can trust me more than manager Gook.

she sits and paints the dog’s name and Joon helps but she gets paint on him and he gets paint on her. they run around chasing each other

Joon narrates that night Eul woke me when I was sleeping -that she had confidence to live in a world that I wasn’t in. Instead of right-mindedly and shamelessly, that she would only live honestly/ethically so her dad, brother, and me wont be ashamed.

she runs up stairs thinking Joon will chase after her but he doesnt. she goes down and he isnt there. suddenly Joon hugs her from behind. she turns to face him and he kisses her.

(Just had a thought -since they were living together anyway, it’s too bad that Eul couldn’t get pregnant so that a part of Joon could live on in the world, but I guess that wouldn’t have been fair for Eul’s future husband and family)

Joon narrates “after Eul fell asleep – Choi HJ – no- father texted me.  father said “that I was your father – until I die I would be proud and keep it as a happy memory.”

choi’s wife tears up the paper and is angry at the lawyer. she doesn’t like the lack of defense after she gave him so much money. she hears that choi doesnt want to be defended and wont appeal any charges. choi comes in and says I don’t want a defense. the lawyer did nothing wrong. i told him I wanted to do that. he dismisses the lawyer. choi sits and says he wont appeal and will go to trial with all the charges. what Jitae said was right. at some point, we became monsters we couldnt handle. let’s stop. please -let’s stop here. she yells about what she had to do to make him who he is. Ji tae walks in. she tells choi -because you didnt have money or power back then -you even sent your mother. when your mother was ill and needed a heart transplant – you couldn’t say even a word when someone with power spoke up to move up the list. so you want to go back to that time? what did you say to me then? that you wanted power and influence so you will never again get anything taken away. did you think you can have power and influence by sitting by and doing nothing? to get those things – you have to pay by going through anguish and suffering. to protect you… she looks at Ji tae and says the way I hit my son with a car. leave this home. go back to the dumps where you lived. she walks out.

Ji tae tells choi you dont have to keep your promise not to leave my mom. I will take care of mom all my life. choi says she is my wife – she is the mother of my children. I will always stay by your mom’s side even though it may be more of a hell than the dumps. Ji tae cries and so does choi

haru looks through the window and hides her face and wonders if Jik isnt working today. Jik taps her on the shoulder.

they go for a walk and she says he must have had a hard time. he says the same thing back. she kisses his forehead. she says how was that. did you hate it? jik: no it made me fluster.  haru: you lied about liking guys huh? cuz you knew who my father was so you lied to break things off with me. she asks for his number. all my friends memorize their boyfriends number but I must be stupid.  he asks didnt we break up. she says we broke up and I wont come again to see you. I wont call or text either, but later if another guy doesnt show up who is as good as you then I will call you. he gives her his number and says ok call and I will answer it. they tell each other to be well and shake hands

eul is on the phone speaking english about a blender she bought a long time ago that wasnt sent to her.

Ji tae comes over and takes the phone and tells them to check the status on the order – the item she ordered hasnt arrived yet. he tells her they emailed her about it – there was a problem with the delivery and it was sent back. she thought it was spam cuz it was in english. he asks where Joon is -isn’t he home? she says yes.

Joon calls out to her as onyi and says I will go for a walk and come back. Joon bows to her and walks by them. ji tae asks: Joon doesnt know me? she says from a week ago-  one day he called her Eul and one day he said who are you. starting from the day before yesterday, Joon forgot his own name. he seemed so upset and confused so she let him think she is a girl who works in this home.

Ji tae follows Joon on his walk. Joon asks are you following me. do you know me? Ji tae says yes very well. Joon walks closer and says what kind of person was I? you said you knew me very well. what kind of person was I? Ji tae says someone who thought he was the best in the world – spoke really rudely -so he hurt others easily – only thought you were right – wanted to do all the cool things – only chose words that were mean and rude – all of that was correct. didn’t need to do it but did something crazy and made cowards like me be ashamed. Joon tried to get him to stop but didn’t listen so now he asks is that a compliment. Ji tae says it is praise. Joon asks what kind of relationship did we have? we must have been really close? Ji tae says no we werent close. I really didn’t like you and hated you. I thought it would be nice if that guy wasnt in the world. so let’s be sure to meet again next time and then I will be really good to you. like a real older brother and cherish and love you. Joon says that’s ok and walks away as Ji tae cries

Eul watched them

the uncle gives the mom a ring and she asks what this is. he says I picked it up on the street. you wear it. she takes it off and gives it back. she asks am I a beggar. why keep giving me things you picked up off the street.  he says I bought it so you wear it and puts it on her. she takes it off and says why give me a ring? give it to your girlfriend. he says you are my girlfriend. I like you. satisfied now? she calls him crazy. he says I am not crazy – I am more sane than other times. she says she doesn’t have time for his nonsense talk and tells him to leave. before I throw dirty dishwashing water on you to wake you up, leave. he puts the ring back on her and walks off but she throws water on him and calls him crazy. are you in your right mind. my son is dying right now. is this something to do to a mom whose son is dying. he tells her to wear the ring when she goes to visit Joon and brag about it. she asks to show Joon what? are you human? uncle says Joon asked me to take care of you. show Joon the ring and say even though you will be gone -mom isn’t afraid. uncle jung will take responsibility and make me happy. make him feel at ease.” cuz you feel sorry and guilty I know you keep avoiding Joon and cant face him but you are his mom. what’s being sorry to a mom – before it’s too late go and see joon. she is sobbing

JE is in prison and Ji tae visits her. she says I will be out soon and it wont ever turn out the way you all wanted. she says with sarcasm – what to do cuz I feel sorry. when I get out I will have to get revenge. how dare them blame me. I will step on them all.  my dad says he will take care of each person especially your dad. if my dad gets involved Choi will be destroyed forever. why arent you saying anything. why dont you act patronizing and try to convince me again. Ji tae: if there was a time I wavered for you -if a girl like this was my girlfriend-it would be really fun and happy -if there was a moment like that – will you believe it?

flashback to when both were in high school and met for the first time. he cant believe she is going to tutor him so she says I am really good at English. Ji tae: does it seem like I am looking for a tutor cuz I cant speak English? what I need now… but she cuts in and says a way to get into an Ivy school. tips to write a great essay that will make admissions want to choose him. she asks if that is what he needs. she explains she didn’t get in through the back by nepotism. she tells him how people are mistaken into thinking she isnt smart cuz she is too pretty, but she studies really well and lists all the other stuff she is good at. he asks what she is doing now. she says trying to look good for him so she is trying to be appealing. I will introduce myself again. I am this pretty and have a lot of great qualities and had a one sided love for you for 8 years. I am Yoon JE. they shake hands.

JE cries as Ji tae says with the power you have -you can avoid it- but don’t avoid it and take your punishment for your crime and come out. I will wait. she asks what that means. he says let’s talk about it then. she yells what that means. Ji tae: if you can be rehabilitated – if there is speck of hope I will be by your side. I will come again. she yells for him to never show up again cuz she will kill him if he appears before her eyes.

Joon’s mom comes to see him but he doesnt know her and asks who are you. what did you come about? did you come to sell something. she asks where Eul went. he says she went to the market. did you come to see her? she nods yes. she is wearing the ring on her finger as she holds something. he says to wait inside

he brings her a drink and tells her to wait. she asks when eul will be here. he says I dont know – she was making me beef stew but ruined it so she went to buy ingredients to make me curry rice. so his mom makes the dish her restaurant is famous for that Joon likes so much-that beef stew. he watches her make it and gets closer and closer. Eul watches them together through the window and walks away to give them space

the mom gives him the soup and asks him to taste it. {they had both been speaking formally from the start since they are supposed to be strangers.} he says yes and sits and tries the soup and says how delicious it is and eats a lot. he says it totally tastes the same as the one my mom makes. she starts to cry and wipes her tears. he stops eating so she asks what’s wrong. does it not taste good. is there hair in it. she tries to take the bowl away to replace it but he grabs her hand and cries and says mom I’m sorry cuz I cant remember. she cries too

Eul munches while she waits outside

Joon washes his face and goes back to his mom. he sits and tells her -you are really pretty today. mom: cuz I was meeting you I went to the hair salon. cuz I was meeting you Gook bought me these clothes. M bought me these earrings. uncle Jung gave me this ring. your mom got a proposal. Joon: daebak. congratulations mom. his mom says I have Gook and M-two stepchildren who are like my kids. your mom is overflowing with luck. Joon: all I did was make you miserable. it’s poking me. she shakes her head no. she tells him how he was the best and lists how many things he did that was cute until he was 3. my Joon slept well – ate well- pooped well- didnt cry – wasn’t sick -whenever you saw me – I don’t know what was so great about it but you would bubble with laughter. Joon: if you say it like that I seem like a really good guy. ok let’s just say I was a good son. mom -I would like it if you didn’t think that I didnt do my best. I tried to live really well. even if I live again – I don’t have the confidence to live better than this.  but I am so sorry to you. I am sorry. I am so sorry. she says I will leave my door open so come whenever you want to see me. when flowers bloom I will think you came. when the wind blows I will think you came. when it rains I will think you came. when it snows I will think you came. thank you for coming to me as my son. Joon says me too. it was an honor that you were my mom. they both look at each other with tears

Ji tae takes responsibility and announces his mom and his resignations and how KJ group will become better. choi drops by to smile at him and cheer him on

choi’s secretary gives choi news that he will be arrested and warrants were issued, but all choi cares is if the guy ate and says I starved since lunch so look into a nearby restaurant that makes great beef stew (the dish Joon’s mom makes well)

choi’s wife sits alone

Eul goes to stand by the water. she gets a call

Eul sits and takes selfies. Joon asks you think you are really pretty huh? she says Jik missed her and wanted her to take selfies. she asks if he visited with his mom well. he sits and says there isnt a single pic of the two of them taken together. why did you never ask this top star for a photo? Eul:will you take them if I ask? they pose together and he makes faces cuz she says wow – why am I so pretty? I cant look cuz I’m so dazzling. you are the only one who says I am not pretty. he checks himself out and asks why am I so handsome? it’s a waste to show it to just you. it’s her turn to make faces. she complains cuz he didn’t warn her and took sudden pics. they take a lot of cute pics.

they sit outside. she says you look really tired. Joon: i am really tired today. she tells him to lean on her shoulder and sleep. he thinks she will wake him when he sleeps so she says I wont wake you so sleep. Joon: you will wake me again to play with you. Eul: I wont wake you so sleep deeply. he leans his head on her shoulder and closes his eyes. Eul: are you sleeping. he says yes. she asks how can a sleeping person answer. are you really sleeping? joon: I am not sleeping. Eul: am I really not pretty. Joon: you are pretty. you are so pretty I cant look at you. after a while she asks are you sleeping? are you really sleeping? no answer. he died. she says ok I wont make you talk. I wont even wake you and ask you to play. you were really tired today. I wont wake you again. forget your mom -forget your dad- forget me. dont think of anything and sleep deeply. she starts to cry and looks up. I was grateful Joon. let’s see each other tm.

time passes on

Gook is with his sister at Joon’s home. she asks what he is doing and not lifting boxes. he points out the buds on the tree that Joon was going to dig up thinking the tree was dead but now it’s not

Nari calls him and asks which color do you like red or pink. Gook says I like you. she says we said we would watch a movie but something came up so we have to eat after the movie too. M asks who that was on the phone.

Nam calls out that there is something strange that he found while packing

everything is being boxed up at Joon’s home

they all go in and watch the video Joon made

Joon talks about how the doctor told him a few weeks ago that he doesnt have much time to live. it’s upsetting, but everyone dies. what I worry the most is the people I love thinking that I was miserable. I was sincerely happy and spent a warm time that I couldn’t have asked for more. It just might be that knowing my time was limited might have revealed my true feelings and made me courageous. Who knows, it might have been my final blessing. Yesterday was the last day of the 3 months the doctor gave me. if you found this video and are watching it now – am I still alive? how is Eul -my love – living now? he wipes his tears and ends with a smile

Eul is yelling at her previous boss and asks for the data she filmed about doctors taking bribes and wont agree to overlook it.  he asks her to close her eyes just once and bribes her. She pretends to be relenting and tells him to take some of the cut but he insists he is fine cuz he got a new foreign car out of the deal. she asks someone if they are filming this well right now. she shows him the hidden camera and asks him to wave. she thanks him well and asks him to take care of the data and leaves

Eul sits at the bus stop at dondaemun and looks over at Joon’s poster and goes over and says I did really well today huh? she kisses his photo. see you again tm Joon.

end

I might have cried through most of this last episode, but I didn’t at the ending scene. Her love for him didn’t stop because he died, if anything, it seemed to grow inside of her in her conscience each time she fought for the weak and the powerless. That’s what Joon taught her to do and she didn’t let him down.

This was first and foremost a love story before it became a tragic one. That means the evolution of their love was the focus, but his death didn’t end it. She never stopped loving him so their love continued to change and grow in her. In more ways than one, his passing only made her become a better person so that she would never feel ashamed of the gift he left her. She strived to deserve his love even after he was gone.  That is how she honors his memory.

Note to all my readers:

I can’t believe another drama series has concluded on this blog. It’s been a long few weeks, but I feel like this drama was worth it. Lots of sacrifice went into these recaps, but at least this show was deserving. Thanks to everyone for following along. ^^

Even after all these years and all these dramas, no matter how long the breaks are between them, thank you for remaining faithful and coming back to read or comment. You have no idea how much you guys mean to me. Technology seems to advance with each passing year so I know that live recaps like these aren’t needed anymore since subs come out immediately, but it’s nice to know that some people prefer a less technical and more personal view of these shows. Live recaps may be obsolete, but sometimes outdated can mean you will always have a site that’s reliable – a close knit place to come and share your love of kdramas. ^^

*A few people have brought up Moonlight Drawn by Clouds or Moon Lovers Scarlet Heart Ryeo and I’ve watched both, but the whole time I was thinking “thank goodness I don’t have to recap these.” Mostly because I need translations myself (I am so out of practice when it comes to saeguk speech) and there are way too many names and characters to memorize – those princes might be good looking but I can’t tell their names apart to save my life. Come to think of it, I tend to mix up the titles of these two dramas as well. What were they thinking naming both dramas with such long titles? It’s insanely confusing.

Even more modern ones like Cinderella and the Four Knights or W-Two Worlds aren’t the type of dramas I would recap live. The first one’s story doesn’t move fast enough and W moves like lightning. There has to be a certain balance in pacing for my fingers to be able to keep up with the dialogue so that I can type and still manage to get most of it down. Even with variety shows like Three Meals, I just can’t see myself typing about ducks playing in the rice fields or the corgi dog circling the chicken coop all day. It would bore me to tears. Anyway, when I find a drama I feel invested in again among the new ones coming up, I’ll be back and you’ll be the first to know. ^^