I don’t like how real this writer is making this by being so convincing with her writing. All the sharp dialogue makes you feel like none of this is fabricated. As if it wasn’t enough just with their anguished expressions alone, their words are like nails to your heart – it pierces right through you. I’ve cried through a lot of dramas in the past, but someone always died or was about to die. There was no death in this episode, but I cried through almost every scene. I never knew one episode could be this enervating -it drains every emotion out of you. I keep wondering if anyone else feels like a masochist subjecting themselves to so much heartache watching a drama like this, but then I realized something vital. Despite all the sadness, I’m learning a lot more about human behavior. It teaches you to see beyond what’s visible and read into their actions. Like what’s happening with JB. All he wanted was to get out and get revenge on his younger brother, but watching how much of a hard time JY has been having all these years, JB is forgetting why he hated JY so much to begin with. Clearly JY is suffering way more than any physical pain JB could have inflicted on him by punishing himself all these years in a prison of his own making. No amount of reasoning could have made JB back down on his quest for vengeance, but seeing his brother locked up in a hospital was quite the eye opener for JB. I know this won’t happen cuz it’s asking too much, but I sort of hope JB plays a role in bringing JY back to reality. Fourteen years ago JY played a detrimental role in getting JB locked up so fourteen years later, I want JB to release JY of his guilt. Love for a parent made JY put his brother behind bars so how great would it be if love for a brother could set JY free.
I knew this episode would be rough and I was pretty sure I was prepared – but nope – nothing can prepare you for this. Get ready to see what happens when a love gets tested – holding on is going to be quite an uphill battle for HS since her whole family is dead set against her continuing her relationship with JY. We all know and understand where her family is coming from – they are already living with one invalid in the family and know exactly what is in store for HS, but all she sees is the person she loves in trouble. How could they expect her to turn her back on him? I don’t think she even gave a thought about letting him go cuz she is too busy trying to help him get better. With all the opposition stacked against HS and JY staying together, you have to wonder if these two will come out on the same side in the end.
With these heavy episodes, I feel like I am taking a beating with this drama. Each painful punch it throws, it leaves me reeling. If watching it hurts this much, I can’t imagine being this couple going through all this. Bet it looks like there is no end in sight, but I am going to have faith. Not really sure how much longer I can muster it, but as long as they give a glimpse of hope for their future, I will cling to it.
Starts from JY saying: how much longer do I have to stand here like this. I want to hug you. she holds out her arms so JY goes over and sits next to her and kisses her forehead and hugs her. JY: I love you. she says let’s stay here like this for a little while. JY: ok. she cries and rubs his back. she stands to go to the bathroom so he doesn’t know she cried. he tells her to hurry and wash and come out but she says I will come out late.
they sit on the bed and he asks -do you remember why you cried on the beach on our first night -what you were thinking and what you said you would tell me later. that even after hearing what you said -if I tell you I love you – then that is when you would really believe that I love you. also you said you would say you love me. HS: I will tell you today what I didn’t say then. after hearing what I have to say, I am afraid your affection for me will fall, but I will do it. JY: if it’s difficult – don’t do it. HS: no I want to. I am always strong, harsh, and selfish but to you I feel like I can break down/crumble. to me that’s love. it was during high school senior year. there was a call to the school that my dad was in the emergency room. I wasn’t even surprised much cuz it happened so many times before. when I ran over and what I saw – it didn’t look like my dad was living. but dad came back to life. it just felt like everything going back to how it was. flashback shows her dad being revived. she went over to the pay phone and called Mr Kim and said why aren’t you meeting my mom. you met her before so why aren’t you meeting. why aren’t you giving money. then what do I do about college. why aren’t you meeting my mom? why? why? she hangs up the phone crying. her mom watched her crying. HS says that’s why mom met Mr Kim again. I sold my mom to Mr. Kim like that – that’s how I went to medical school. JY hugs her as she cries. JY says I love you. she says I love you a lot. JY: I love you a lot HS. she keeps crying.
the phone rings and JY looks at the calendar – the 5th is circled. He remembers how JB said you didnt forget the day I get out -just the two of us are meeting right. I will call so wait.
JY is in bed with HS and his eyes are closed as she stares at him. she rejects a call from her sister. JY says I am sleepy so she says this is the bed. JT: it is. I’m on the bed. are you fixing me. she tells him to sleep and then gets out of bed.
while she is in the bathroom, he wakes cuz there is a text from JB saying come to the accident site from back then where you, mom, and I lived. that terrible home. JY takes a call from KW and says sorry but I cant now. HS is here and I am going to meet hyung. what are you saying? what do you mean the last time?
in the bathroom HS looks at the camel painting and gets a call from her sister. her sister is yelling -where are you? I heard from S that JY is crazy. SK goes over and takes her phone away and says JY isnt crazy he is sick. the sister asks for her phone back and keeps crying and hitting him. HS heard that.
HS calls Lee and says I texted you JY’s home address just now. she turns the faucet on to drown out the sound of her crying and says ride the ambulance over. Lee asks is it ok to go now? or should I wait a bit longer – do you want to stay together a little longer. HS cries and says for the first time JY is sleeping comfortably in a bed. I want to let him sleep for a little longer but… Lee says then I will leave after 30 mins. HS says please – I am asking this favor -do it while he is sleeping so he doesn’t know anything. prepare the shots. she keeps sobbing in the bathroom
when she comes out JY is gone. she looks at the date of the 5th circled on the calendar.
T is driving with Jo in the car. Jo is on the phone and asks HS: are you with JY? she sees the note from JY saying “sorry HS but I am worried about KW so I will meet him and come back. the last thing he said when he called is bothering me. also my brother came out. I will look at KW’s face and then meet my brother and come back.” she tells Jo which road JY took. she tries to call JY
JY drives and tries to call KW and remembers how KW had said “when I don’t make this contest, I will just die there (on that road). then they will probably give insurance money for the accident. going to give that to my mom.” In the cab she finally gets JY on the phone. he says sorry. she asks where are you? he says KW…couldn’t I call you later? HS: just tell me where you are. JY: on my way to KW’s home. I am almost.. he looks out at the road signs and cars honk cuz he is driving against oncoming traffic in the wrong lane and has to keep swerving.
Lee is on the way in the ambulance and gets the meds ready to sedate him like HS requested
HS got out of her cab. Jo and T pick up HS and she gets in their car and they drive off as she keeps trying to reach JY
JY called JB. JB: what do you mean where am I -I’m on my way. JY’s car comes up behind him and swerves to miss him as JY asks can I be a little late. JB: why be late. you are coming in a car and I am walking. are you afraid to meet me? JY says why would I be afraid to meet you. how good it feels just to think of drinking together. he notices he got a call from KW so he puts JB on hold and takes his call. where are you now? KW watches his mom get beaten up and rides away. KW tells JY: I finished school and I am on my way home. I cant talk for long. mom is at home getting ready to move so I have to go and help. JY says meet me and then go. dont go like this. where are you. KW passes by JB. KW says all this time – cuz of you I was happy. a kid who is nothing – you always took care of me and favored me when no one in the world did. like you did for your mom I want to do the same for my mom. you know right how grateful I am? JY says don’t say farewell. don’t say that kind of farewell yet. I am sorry. to be honest I felt burdened so even though I knew you were having a hard time -I didn’t go find you. I am sorry. I wont do it again.
JY drives by and sees KW riding by on his bike the opposite way. he watches from the side mirror as KW gets hit by a car. JY yells no and turns his car but he gets sideswiped by the same car that hit KW. JB comes over to the site of the accident
JY comes out of his car and tries to go over to KW lying on the ground. JB watches him walk over to an empty area. the ambulance and police arrive as JY falls to his knees and looks over at KW. JB just keeps watching as Lee and other doctors go over to sedate JY. he says “KW” and is trying to motion for them to help KW but they only tend to him. HS arrives and goes over to JY. they hug. he keeps saying KW is over there – do something. she looks over at the ground. he says I am ok so do something for KW. they are both crying as he keeps saying “KW – what to do.”
JY is taken to the hospital and strapped to his bed. KW is sitting behind bars bloody and in pain while JY fights his restraints. Jo narrates about JY’s Lou Gehrig’s disease -how it’s psychosomatic and he made up a kid etc. JY is given more meds to sedate him so he will stop struggling
HS waits outside.
JY was given electroshock therapy and later on it’s over so he is resting
HS slept on the sofa in her office. SK sits by her side and tries to cheer her up. He tells her that S thinks HS is cool for not abandoning JY and wants to be a doctor. HS is not amused so SK says In your place I told her to shut up. get some sleep.
Jo says how JY will be tested for reality. 3 yrs ago the moment he was attacked by his brother, his brother’s resentment – he realized it would never go away unless JY dies. that is when he first hallucinated KW. to use that and die -he came up with a suicide scenario. to die while protecting KW. instead of suicide he chose an accident. thinking this was the best recompense for his brother unfairly spending 14 years in prison. KW is standing there over JY and crying as Jo addresses the room full of doctors. Jo continues how it’s a thorough/perfect scenario to keep his mother in her dissociative state. JB stares through the glass to look in on JY
the former lawyer is with Jo and T again. he says all the things I told you about Jang JB, I don’t know if it was the right thing to do. Jo thanks him and the lawyer leaves.
JB is looking over the evidence the lawyer showed and the contract for leaving JB all that money. Jo goes in to see JB. JB says how JY does have a conscience for giving me his entire fortune. he wants Jo to fix his mom and give the amytal to his mom. Jo tells him off saying if you give the amytal to someone who lies they will tell the truth but your mom’s memory of that was erased so there is no point in giving her amytal. if you want to fix her – you do it. JB: am I a doctor? Jo: for something like that – instead of a doctor a jerk like you could fix it better. go right now to your mom and tell her all the truth that you cant undo – if she doesn’t remember then keep telling her again and again and torment her. JB speaks banmal to him and says is that something a doctor should be saying. Jo says this is a matter regarding your family you punk. your mom and your younger brother. as the eldest son – you should make the choice. because of the guilt he feels your younger brother is locked up in the hospital for his mental breakdown. your mother was beaten all her life and now next to her side – all she has is a bully/gangster kid like you. isn’t this enough for your revenge? your pain hurts but you don’t care about other’s pain. white haired three year old kid. JB hits him and says if it wasnt for the CCTV you are dead right now. T comes in and says you cant let him go like that. stop him. but Jo tells him to go right now to JY’s mom’s and listen to what JB says to her and tell me.
*I did a fist pump in the air after Jo’s speech – he is so cool. He knows exactly what to say to push JB’s buttons into doing the right thing. It’s like reverse psychology in a gruff manner
when JB comes out his mom calls and asks if he ate. JB: you cried all the time cuz of JY but now you are that curious if I ate or not? his mom says it’s cuz JY is in the hospital and will come out. that’s what the doctor said too. I believe/trust that too. I am going to make bean paste soup for dinner – do you want me to add clams or meat? JB -tell me. you like both meat and clams. tell me. JB yells clams and kicks the trash.
*I bet it’s so hard for him to stay mad at JY or his mom when she is being so nice and JY is so ill. Must be frustrating to want to hate, but not having the will to do it.
the doctors talk about how HS wont be seeing patients that have been hospitalized cuz of JY and only see outgoing patients. the other doc says JY’s active symptoms went down since yesterday. the other one says it’s time that it did since it’s already been two weeks. they think HS is imressive cuz she is able to work/consult
HS is meeting with a patient who isn’t even ill
Lee and HS eat together and Lee asks you don’t like to be apart from him that much – arent you uncomfortable sleeping here. HS: how can it be uncomfortable. I even slept in the communal dorm for intern residents. this is like a hotel. why? are people saying something? Lee says they are worried about you. I have to check your patients. you are restricted (from going where patients like JY are kept). you understand right? HS says I miss JY – when will you give permission for me to visit. Lee says wait till it’s safe. not just you – but also his mom and hyung – right now no one is allowed. today he is going to confirm the CCTV footage
JY watches himself fighting alone and then the CCTV footage from the accident that night when he thought KW had been hit by the car -when HS held him as he looked over at KW lying on the road. Jo asks now do you know the reason why we hospitalized you? cuz you keep getting hurt -we didnt have a choice.
Jo shows him the evidence photos of the accident from 14 yrs ago. the photos of the stab wound, knife, and charred lighter. flashback to him seeing his mom light the paper and throwing it. JY says mom didnt commit any sin/crime. Jo: I know. JY: poor hyung..I….I. Jo asks where is KW now? JY looks over at KW. KW smiles at him. Jo looks over where JY looked and asks is KW here? JY nods yes. Jo: this is a hospital. not anyone can come in here so why would KW be here. why is that? I cant see him but you can see him. like in the video footage KW wasnt there but you saw KW. something is strange. don’t you think that it’s strange KW is here. then what is KW? a fake your heart made up? JY says no KW is here cuz KW trusts only me. if he doesnt have me KW doesnt have anyone. a kid who doesnt have anything -everyone finds him uncomfortable. Jo asks do you think I would be like that too? HS too? JY cries and says I want to ask HS. Jo: when you and your mom were beaten – people said that – they were uncomfortable. JY: to hyung too. Jo: then is KW you? JY: no KW is KW. Jo doesn’t make any headway
JY is taken back to his room while Lee and HS watch from afar. Jo reports to HS that JY is being treated to try to make the difference between KW’s hallucination and reality but there aren’t any changes yet. JY thinks it’s strange too that we cant see KW. he thinks KW exists. Lee says how severe the focus on KW is. it will be difficult for you to meet JY for the time being.
the mom is still wiping the floor. she made a lot of food and tells JB to eat but he is just watching tv and ignores her. he says I wont eat.
T and the editor are eating outside. she asks if they shouldnt go in but T says Jo said not to get involved and just watch them.
the mom says you didn’t eat during the day too. why? do you not have an appetite? should I make porridge? want some porridge? you like porridge. JB gets mad and knocks over a plate of food. he says she is being noisy. why keep wiping the floor? the floor is clean but you wipe it again and again. he throws the rag and goes back to watching tv. T comes in after hearing the yelling. she tells him to go eat but T helps her to clean up. JB buries his face in his arm.
JY stares out the window at the darkness
SK is eating at HS’s mom’s restauarnt and says the food is good. the brother in law says you know good taste. it’s a new dish on the menu. the mom tried calling HS but couldn’t reach her. she asks SK if HS broke up with JY. SK says yes. the mom asks then why isnt she answering my calls? SK lies maybe her battery is dead or she is busy. the mom says tell HS – if she is lying she is going to see her mom die. the mom leaves. the brother in law tells SK to tell HS – her mom and her sister are up in arms. don’t think of anything else (like staying with JY). SK: I said she broke up. the brother in law doesn’t believe HS broke up with JY still and thinks SK is here cuz she sent him here on an errand to lie. her dad has an illness. she really cant (stay with JY) be sure to tell her.
*her family doesnt want her to suffer like the mom taking care of the dad
S calls SK asking if she goes to college will he contribute for her tuition. I asked you but you didn’t answer. are you avoiding me? SK says why would I pay for your tuition. I am your boyfriend not your financial support. I don’t put money on the line with love. take care of it on your own. she asks if he doesn’t like her anymore cuz her friend came to the café and said he was cool. SK: am I you? money problem is handled separately but love is together. that is what I am saying. S: ok. I love you Park SK. after she hangs up, HS’s sister tells S – I am going to quit the cafe after today – tell the owner. S starts to say after HS onyi fixes JY’s illness but stops herself from talking. she just says I am Song S – please understand.
JY looks out the window. it’s time for JY to take his meds so he does. the nurse says you did well and to rest. he asks do I really seem like a schizophrenic. the nurse says you seem a lot better
JY remembers what HS said about her friends – HJ -the one who is pregnant and suffers from a mental disorder. HS had said: cuz in this situation it’s hard to deal with just love alone. to be honest even now I dont believe they will last forever but I want to cheer for them. if they really do live well then there is hope that I could believe in love. so for their sake I light that candle in the house. Please help them – whoever. Then JY remembers what the husband said about the schizophrenic couple they met and how the patient relapsed. then what HS said to HJ – to be careful for the rest of her life.
HS is meeting with that artist student. his drawing is normal (he drew her) so HS cant believe how much better he got. he brags how he goes to school now too. HS: you better know all of that is thanks to me. he brings up how writer JY is psychiatric patient and it’s all over the internet. did you know? I heard he was in this hospital. she says I know he is my boyfriend. go now cuz I have work. she thanks him for the drawing. the kid says dont forget all the many patients you fixed. have strength. I will be going.
her mom shows up to meet HS. she says go home and I will go after work. the mom says I will wait then and sits down.
at their home HS checked in on her dad and changed his diaper. she goes to join her mom in the kitchen and tells her to reduce the dad’s water cuz he is peeing too much for a patient who is lying down so much. HS: reduce it by one liter. then you will be comfortable too. the mom says you just live comfortably. HS is about to bring up breaking up with JY but her mom slaps her saying how could you deceive your mom. HS: I am for real. later on you will have to apologize for slapping me cuz it’s for real. the mom says if it’s for real then thank goodness. if not – just know you will get hit a thousand more times like you just got hit now. HS: mom. the mom cuts her off and says don’t say you learned it from me. YS said keeping loyalty to a man- that you learned it from watching me. is that for real? HS tries to say “from watching” but the mom slaps her again saying is that all you watched while living with me? leaving your dad behind, why forget that you saw when I had an affair with Mr. Kim. why forget when I went around meeting him after putting you guys to sleep. I told you not to go to medical school. I asked how could you talk about medical school when we live in such a crappy place. that you were selfish. why forget that I yelled that you weren’t being practical? if your dad wasn’t sick -as a mom -would I have said that to a child who wants to study? do you know what it’s like to live with a patient? he doesn’t even recognize his wife. he doesn’t know his own children. HS speaks up for him and says don’t say anything you want about dad mom. her mom yells your dad doesn’t know anything. even now he doesn’t come here though I just hit you. believing that even though dad doesn’t talk that there is nothing wrong with his head -that is your mom mistaking it. in order to live, I am mistaking it. HS cries and says mom. her mom says even if you don’t call me mom I am your mom. enough of that. you have to end it with JY for real. sincerely. go. she gets up and leaves HS alone to keep crying on her own.
the mom cries in the room and hears HS doing dishes and says who told you to do dishes. go. she wipes the dad’s tears and says dont cry. I cant tell HS to live like me. even if you are sad – it can never be. (HS staying with JY)
HS’s sister comes over and says to HS – i quit the café. what you said about ending it with Jang JY – I trust it. you know the college I went to – it was cuz of you. if you have a conscience behave the right way
HS walks alone
the doctor tries to stop her and says you cant -don’t do this, but she reads the chart for JY and notices that JY didn’t see KW during the 3rd week interview. thank goodness. let me just see his face. the doctor says when he sees your face he might have another episode of feeling guilt. so hold it in. HS: I will just see his face. he says how Professor Lee and the hospital director wouldn’t stand for that. so HS says we just have to make sure they don’t know. I just need to not tell sunbae and you just don’t need to tell the director. why? are you going to tell? the doc tries to compromise and says them meet outside the room but she says no inside his room just the two of us. he shakes his head no trying to be firm so she says you grew a lot cuz he is daring to stand up to her. HS: I am your sunbae but you aren’t budging. you will become a good doctor. he relents and says just 10 mins. but she says 15 mins and goes in.
JY is reading a book. HS looks at him through the glass on the door and knocks and goes in waving hi to JY. she goes over and sits by his side and shows the photo of them together. she says shall I see what my boyfriend is reading. she takes his book and reads some of it aloud. “when the wind comes – as it comes leave it alone and let it go. when longing comes – as it comes leave it alone and let it go. pain will probably come too. it will stop and live. after it lives it will go.” she tells him this poem is really nice. like this poem – everything will pass. he looks at her and takes her hand. flashback to the first time he came to her home. when she checked the cut on his head. when they threw wine on each other. the kiss at the cave pond. scenes from their trip, etc. she kisses him and says he looks better. he whispers my words don’t come out well. it’s hard on my shoulders. she says it’s cuz of the meds. JY: I wanted to see you but I am sleepy. HS: just wait a while – it wont be like that later. JY: even now – seeing you after a long time – I want to make you laugh but I don’t know what to say to make you laugh. I cant think of anything. she says you will be able to later. he says I want to hug you, but I don’t think I can. I’m not sexy. she hugs him instead. he asks “HS – please let me out. this place doesnt suit me.” he looks over at KW and says if seeing KW is an illness, I will fix it with my own will. trust me and let me out. I wont ever see KW anymore. I don’t like being here. [he breaks down in tears] please let me out. she kisses him again and holds his face. JY: should I not say these things? if I do -will you go? she says I will come again. he holds her hand to stop her from leaving and asks if I hold onto you- they will probably give me shots again huh? she says- you have to trust me. KW is a hallucination. I am real. there is only one medicine. even if you see KW – you have to know that is a hallucination to fix your condition. you have to know KW is your self that you made up. differentiating between reality and fantasy – it’s not a doctor – it’s you. JY: I will go home and find it. HS: even if I go out dont call me. that way I can come again to you. she gets up and he calls out her name in a whisper but she leaves -he is alone with KW. after she is gone he says her name again and again. she cries outside his door.
HS goes to the doctor and says you were right. I shouldnt have seen him. he had another episode. tell the YJ sunbae not to reduce the meds. we have to delay his stay. she looks back over her shoulder and leaves with tears running down her face.
HS instructs JY -in front of your eyes look at KW directly and find out that he is someone you are mistaking and imagining
JY confronts KW and asks how many years has it been since you met me
KW calls out to JY as he rides away
HS says to JY: you can find it – you can find it
JY says hello Jang JY
This episode made me feel like roadkill – it was so brutal watching how JY and HS were going through so much. It was emotionally draining all around, but even through my tears I knew exactly which screencap would be my main pic. I hate that I’m able to function like that despite my sadness. That made me think about what JY must be going through. I don’t think he is functioning at all right now. His whole world crashed around him in a matter of hours. Everything he knew to be true wasn’t and it’s like he has to start all over again. Through all that haze from taking so much medication – there was only one certitude he had and it was his love for HS. In that scene when he was finally able to see her again, I swear he seemed like a child again – scared, confused, lost, needy, and desperate to be free again. I don’t know how HS had the strength to leave his side cuz I don’t think I could have. When his pleading voice was above a whisper, I think I cried even more. I have a feeling translating everything in full tonight is going leave me bawling the whole time.