I knew the second I saw this scene that this would be my main pic tonight. JY might not realize it yet, but he didn’t mean to lose his grip on sanity – he was actually trying to cling to his better half. The side of him that he has nurtured, encouraged, and cheered on these past three years. KW has become more than just a mere extension of him – he is JY’s chance for absolution. It’s no wonder he could never let KW go. Even after JY realizes KW was a hallucination, I bet a part of him knows letting go of KW would mean having to let go of himself. If only JY could see that once he lets go of KW, JY will have someone else to hold onto – someone real and willing to stay by his side this time. I really hope for his sake he realizes how heroic HS is being for him. She really came through for him tonight. I seriously don’t know what’s worse -trying to put aside your feelings long enough to objectively diagnose the one you love or the way JY will feel once he has been blindsided by the ones he loves. Granted it was all for his sake, but I don’t know if he will be able to distinguish that from betrayal initially. Trying to remain objective like a doctor when you are so in love must be the kind of struggle no doctor wants to face, but HS is better at her job than the others give her credit for. It’s not just a matter of curing him – helping him to recover will heal her heart as well cuz it’s been torn to shreds upon learning about JY’s condition. I swear this episode makes you feel like you have been punched in the gut then left alone to try to catch your breath only to be punched again. It’s brutal, but it looks like tm will be even worse.
I think this is the most perfect screen shot – it seems to encapsulate what must be going through his psyche. His reality is broken up and distorted, but he is innocently unaware and is only concerned about KW.
I didn’t cry the first time during the live recap, but I bawled like crazy the second time around as I was translating. It felt like all the lovey-dovey moments leading up to tonight was just to help HS maintain her sanity throughout this ordeal. She handled it beautifully – putting up that brave face around JY and not letting on about what she knows. She got to observe JY’s behavior and see his actions through clearer eyes now. She finally got to see all the clues she missed out on or probably didn’t want to see. I bet her heart broke a little bit each time she caught onto another clue. What kills me is how much more she has to go through before it gets better. I know JY is the one suffering from this condition so he deserves all the compassion and sympathy, but I just feel that as a doctor, it’s going to be rougher on HS cuz she knows exactly what he is in for and knowing all the facts is going to make it that much harder for her.
Starts from HS going to see Jo. She looks from Jo to Lee and asks what is it? why are your faces are like that. Lee tells her to sit and asks if she wants a drink. HS: something cold. Jo gives her a drink saying I just brought it. HS keeps asking – what is this. did I do something wrong. Jo says JY is really sick. HS: what are you talking about? Lee says we were confirming it and it seems to be schizophrenia. Jo nods his head when HS looks over at him. HS looks stunned and asks what are the active symptoms you confirmed. Jo asks -do you know about KW. did JY talk about him? she nods and answers “often” as T comes over and sits. Jo says KW is a visual hallucination. T confirms that KW doesn’t exist. I checked everything -his school – his home – everywhere and KW doesn’t exist. I asked JY today for KW’s manuscript that he read and Jo said it was in the drawer at home so I went and looked -but it wasn’t there. HS remembers the times JY spoke to KW on the phone when she didn’t hear the phone ring and how he said “KW was a fan like others who cried over me when my brother stabbed me with a fork 3 years ago.” then how JY said KW was in an accident when JY had that nightmare on the beach.
JY reads HS’s text “I went over 51%” and he laughs.
HS says that’s not enough to be sure so Lee tells her to watch the video on the computer so HS watches JY fighting with himself. she gets a call from JY and takes it. he asks what is this text. they discuss her coming over to him 51%. then JY asks: fine I lost. let’s start the count over. anyway where are you. she lies: I’m in a meeting. JY: no wonder you sound a little tense. go home safely and don’t call cuz I will be writing. I wont say I love you cuz you might get sick of it. after he hangs up she asks what this episode is (on the video) so T tells her 2 months ago JY said he fought with KW’s dad and it was caught on the CCTV nearby. she remembers how JY told her – a kid I know got hit by his dad. KW – a kid I favor. watching him get hit by his dad -I couldn’t hold it in. HS: why did you get between some other family? JY: when my mom and I got beat by my stepdad -that’s what those people said – it’s between other family so no one got involved so our family was the nosiest. HS breaks down in tears. Jo says the culprit for the accident 14 years ago was his mother. from the corpse from the knife incident -it seemed his mother set the fire while going through dissociation. looking at the situation she doesn’t remember that reality. for his mother’s sake JY accused his brother as the culprit. the guilt he couldn’t handle. Lee says KW is supposedly JY’s childhood self. aside from seeing KW in reality -the bigger problem is that he might get hurt while protecting KW. he doesn’t know that he is doing that over the guilt he feels over his brother. HS says we have to get more tests done like a brain MRI and find out about how he is functioning. Lee asks do you see it as a problem with his brain instead of his psychosis? HS argues you cant rule out that possibility. Lee asks then how do you explain all the symptoms he manifested for the last 3 years? I think he needs to be hospitalized right away. what do you think? HS: I want to talk about it after tests. Lee asks if there were any other dangerous behavior patterns that HS confirmed. HS remembers how crazy he drove -how dangerously he surfed – then how he almost got run over by a car -and when he almost ran her down. Lee says if his behavior is serious they cant give him more time. HS lies and says there is nothing. She touches her neck to wipe the sweat and Lee notices. HS says I will convince him so he can get tested. after she leaves, Lee says HS lied. She has sympathy and cant be included for JY’s treatment and we cant leave her next to JY’s side -for both of their sake. T offers to talk to JY and say KW doesnt exist and come to your senses but Lee says that’s more dangerous to deal with him recklessly and tells T to go JY. T leaves. Lee says to Jo the climax of pychosis is suicide.
HS called JY so he asks T asked you to? HS: yes he said he needed it so I will find it for him. where did you put KW’s manuscript? JY tries to recall where he put it. it was the night you came to my room. she remembers his hand twitching as he yelled at KW over the phone and how he motioned like he was tossing something on the ground. JY: at that time you left and I picked up the manuscript. ah that’s right – it was the drawer on the right in my desk. she checks but it’s not there. JY: is it there? HS says no it’s not there. you remembered wrong. JY: that wouldn’t happen. she lies -I am sleepy so he tells her to sleep and they hang up.
Jo comes over to HS and tells her to stay out of JY’s treatment (cuz of her relationship with JY). if the problem is guilt, how JY’s happiness with her will affect him more negatively so she yells back -I know that much. you trained me. are you guys the only doctors? she denies witnessing JY not function when he needs to. why are you ruling out the possibility of a brain tumor and concluding it’s schizophrenia? she storms off. S repeats the word schizophrenia cuz she came over with SK just then. SK heard the whole thing. SK tells S to go home but she asks about schizophrenia -whether it’s a mental disorder and then apologizes for blurting out stuff without thinking. do you hate me? SK: no I don’t hate you. go home. SK remembers how JY spoke alone outside of the cafe and goes in to speak with Jo.
HS lights her candle as SK tells her how schizophrenics need to take medicine and they can keep it under control. with meds there is a 70% possibility they can live normally . it’s what you said to the guardians of the patients. do you remember? she goes back into her room. SK says through the door – I am going out overnight.
SK calls T and says tell JY I am going over there to his home.
JY is trying to work when SK shows up with two beers. JY: what is this. SK: I suddenly disliked the home in hongdae and missed you. JY: what? SK: why be so surprised. it’s not like I said I love HS. by the way these days S is clinging to me. it’s annoying. JY thinks he is bragging and turns around but SK back hugs him. JY: what are you doing. SK: I am paying back the coolest guy in the world. it’s my first time hugging a man. he invites JY to drink. JY asks are you really going to sleep here. SK: it doesn’t matter if you chase me out – I will just come in again. JY: if you are going to stay here – don’t even make a breathing sound. he goes back to work.
HS remembers what Jo said if the problem is repressed guilt, how JY’s happiness with her will increase risk of self inflicted harm. she flashes back to their moments together.
the next morning she comes down and Jo apologizes to her for waking up late and asks her to eat something but she just leaves. he yelled at her to take some eggs cuz SK said he boiled them but when Jo cracks it over his head – it’s still raw
at the hospital, the doctors talk about a 33 yr old schizophrenic patient and his active symptoms and medication- Haloperidol and Chlorpromazine. Lee gives them instructions about the meds but the doctor tries to say it’s too hard on the patient and what HS said last time but Lee points out this patient relapsed 3 times in 5 years so is his safety important or his feelings
some mom keeps bugging HS so she snaps – how many times do I have to tell you I can’t. the mom wants prescription for ADHD meds for her son cuz she heard from her neighbor that it makes her son study better by increasing his focus/concentration but HS points out the kid’s tests showed he was normal and you cant give those meds to a normal kid cuz of all the negative effects. the meds are only effective for patients suffering from ADHD. HS walks off after saying – you don’t even know and came over here after listening to that stuff. the woman calls out she will just get the meds from another hospital if she doesn’t give it to her so Lee goes over and asks which hospital gives meds to a normal kid cuz I will report it.
HS is on the phone saying I will meet you there. Lee comes over and wants to talk outside but HS is going to go meet with JY’s mom. Lee asks her to go with Jo cuz HS is suffering from sympathy right now. HS: how do you know? Lee: cuz you aren’t getting help from Jo or me. if you get help then you will normal. Lee calls Jo asking where he is.
SK calls for JY to eat but gets ignored so SK goes over to JY and closes his computer. JY: what are you doing? SK: this is the first time you saw a guy like this in the world huh? you didnt sleep even one hour yesterday. I checked the time you went into the bathroom. he pretends to hit him. do you wanna die? come and eat. JY sits down and SK asks should I tell you how to handle someone like me. JY: aside from beating you – what? SK: a way is to lose to me. JY: you aren’t perhaps seeing me as the neighborhood puppy instead of the housebroken puppy HS is keeping right? SK laughs and tries to feed him. JY eats one spoonful of rice and throws up and tells SK not to tell HS saying it’s stress related. SK pretends he got a text from S and texts HS that JY didn’t sleep even an hour – cant eat and is throwing up
HS reads the text and sighs
SK plays basketball with JY. Despite the fact that SK is too tall and acts too crazy on the court, JY still wins. while they are resting JY says to him – please get lost now. SK says not sleeping and not eating is an illness. I lost the basketball game to you. you should get help from HS. he pours water on JY. JY says I can handle it on my own. SK: did you always live like that? handling everything on your own? JY: yes.
SK gives him a puzzle made out of a photo of HS and JY. JY asks what is this moving/poignant thing. SK: when I heard about you two having your first night, I made it to give to noona, but since the two of you are now one body now. JY: I will say it clearly but we are separate -then together and not always together. SK breaks up the puzzle so JY asks what are you doing. SK is going to use the puzzle pieces to make his point as he holds it up. SK: what ignorant people call my mental state. this is HJ’s mental state who suffers from schizophrenia. it’s all messed up and tangled like trash. doesn’t recognize parents and sibling relationship. doesn’t recognize the person she loves. (something about feeling guilt) but we aren’t like that. we are normal usually. we hurt only a minute or two. out of 365 days of the year-except for just for a few seconds or minutes. he picks up a few pieces to demonstrate what HJ goes through with her schizophrenia and emotional scars. the pieces fall apart out of her world. JY: like reality slipping into fantasy? SK: something like that. JY asks if that piece will fit the puzzle perfectly and SK replys if the patient has will and accepts help from the doctor. JY: it’s amazing. SK says I will be going so JY calls out dont come again. SK says I will probably come. JY kisses the photo of HS and goes back to playing basketball. KW picks up the puzzle and breaks off a piece and looks at JY’s back.
JB is making roses out of the rice again. another inmate asks why are you making those flowers. JB says to give to mom cuz she will be sad when JY is gone. so I have to make it up to her with flowers at least. he remembers how JY protected him by hugging him and said to hold still cuz if you go back to prison this time you wont be able to come out again. then how JY offered to pay damages and asked not to report to the police. JB shakes off the feeling of second thoughts cuz he doesn’t want to hurt the brother who protected him like that.
JY’s mom looks around the house as HS gets tea ready for her. HS remembers what Jo said. his mother set the fire while going through dissociation. looking at the situation she doesn’t remember that reality. JY knew that truth and for his mother’s sake he accused his brother as the culprit. the guilt he couldn’t handle. JY’s mom compliments HS’s home and says how pretty it is. JY lived here and didn’t invite me over even once. thanks to you I got to come here. JB will come out pretty soon so I am really happy. but what’s going on? you wanted to see me. Jo goes over and greets the mom. T hugs the mom and just cries so the mom asks what’s wrong with you. Jo asks HS to leave for a while. Jo tells the mom -it’s difficult to tell you but JY is sick. HS sits in her room as Jo fills in the mom
SK asks what? you are going to be a doctor? S says yes. like onyi fixes JY’s condition I am going to become a doctor of psychiatrics like her. aren’t you proud of me for thinking this? SK says not just anyone could become a doctor so just go and work. she says in the end you are the same as others. that a party girl cant study and has no dreams. SK: be quiet. please live knowing how to be tactful. cant you see that noona and I are having a hard time cuz of JY? me – the guy you like is having a hard time now. S: cuz you are having a hard time I want to make you comfortable so I’m getting you to talk. then should I bawl like onyi and you and keep my head down? is that right? SK says I love you and cheers up
Jo gets permission from the mom to hospitalize JY. the mom sits in shock as HS comes down. Jo goes over and tells HS: I didnt tell her this and that and just said it was stress and an illness. HS nods her head and goes over to the mom and takes her hand. she says how JY’s illness isn’t untreatable and can be fixed. the mom says I heard the explanation from the doctor. you must have been so surprised. it’s an illness so it just needs to be fixed. it just needs to be fixed. I will be going. dont come out.
as T drives her home, T asks if she is ok. she cries and says what will I do if I’m not ok. I have to be okay. my husband died and I had to stand by and watch my son spend 14 years in prison. like doctor Jo said – it’s not an untreatable illness and he can be better with treatments. the mom keeps sobbing
HS is on her way out as Jo points out two candles are lit. is it for JY? HS: I am going to go meet JY. Jo asks what HS is going to say when she goes to JY. what are you going to say when you get there? she says I dont know -what do I do sunbae. she bawls
they sit and talk. she feels like a fool. I’m a doctor -not someone else. for believing a 16 yr old could grow up healthy after going through such a terrible accident. Jo: what else? HS: while saying I love him a lot – not once did I delve deeply into JY’s pain/scar – when he talked about his past and his hyung with pain in his heart-did I really have any empathy or be sympathetic? I just said “it must have been hard” but inwardly I understood him cuz I am a doctor. how’s that – aren’t I cool? I think I bragged. even when I saw him have that nightmare when he slept with me -cuz you are strong you will overcome it for sure. Jo tells her not to blame herself cuz it was her belief/faith. HS: as a doctor and his girlfriend – I get zero point. from birth I was selfish. she wonders about JY’s hospitalization and if it’s possible to change it. Jo just sighs so she says I will go and come back. SK hugs her before she goes saying fighting. Jo asks about JY’s ability to function. SK gives JY a thumbs down.
the mom said I am lonely but JY says you are lonely? what to do, I have to write but you are lonely. she asks dont write and come to mom and sleep with me. he says I cant. HS shows up and says Hi – I missed you a lot so I came. can I not cuz it’s not Friday? should I leave? he just grins pleased to see her and hugs her. he is still on the phone with his mom saying I can’t. HS tells him to talk to her and moves away. JY: why is my mom like this. the mom says you can rest while you write now that you are earning a good living. what am I? always your burden? all the money you have given me up to now – I will die unable to spend it all. don’t write cuz of me and come to me. JY starts to cough and asks mom did something happen? why are you saying stuff you never said before. HS looks at the NY Yankees baseball cap and remembers how JY said that KW coughs and his fingers tremble. what illness is that? She looks over at him coughing and twitching his fingers and she looks sad. JY tells his mom it’s ok – it’s just cuz my throat is scratchy a bit. but hey mom HS came. the mom says ok and they hang up. T tries to feed the mom some fruit cuz she didnt eat dinner but she tells him to go and goes over to wash dishes. T says I will go after I see you eat this. she knocks the fruit away. He tells her – you have to come to your senses. JB hyung comes out on Saturday. eat so I can feel at ease and go to JY. she forces the fruit down. but she stops and cries.
JY back hugs HS as she looks at the photos he texted of the evidence she has been here. he even wrote down her text replies on a post it – including the one about her going over 51%. he coughs again and asks for photos of her feet and hands. she agrees but tells him he has to shave. he says it’s not great for writing so she says you don’t want to take photos of my hands and feet huh.
while he takes photos, she keeps remembering what he said about KW -when I look at him, he reminds me of when I was young. I feel like I should protect him at least. then what Lee said about KW -that he was a manifestation of JY’s younger self. the biggest problem is that he could get hurt while protecting KW. that it stemmed from his guilt over his hyung and he doesn’t know that. HS asks do you know about the Yankee’s player Lou Gehrig. JY: I know. he got Lou Gehrig’s disease. how do you know him? do you like baseball? HS: I learned while I was studying psychiatrics. how do you know? JY: maybe I saw it in a book. not sure.
He wrote post it next to her hands and feet photos. what I want to put on top of my forehead anytime – HS’s hands, will never stop walking – HS’s feet.
HS shaves JY and says he is being still nicely. JY: cuz I entrusted everything to you already. HS: my nice boyfriend. if by any chance you are sick and end up going to the hospital – – what will you worry about the most? he asks why say stuff like that. HS: anyone could get sick once at any time. JY: not being able to write. HS: even if you dont write I will be happy. JY: when will you tell me you love me? anyway – Jang JY who doesn’t write isn’t Jang JY. HS: how about KW. JY: he hasn’t called and doesn’t take my calls. HS: you are worried a lot huh? JY: I feel like the kid will die for sure. his writing ability is failing and he isn’t well. HS: you said he got better after being sick. JY: he lied. he has Lou Gehrig’s. when he called in front of the hospital he didn’t look well. she asks -did you go with him to the hospital? JY: no I didn’t go. I was with you. HS: then how do you know KW didnt look well in front of the hospital? like you saw him in a scene from a movie. she walks off to get a towel and he wonders aloud: how do I know when KW was by himself. she wipes his face and says you became handsome again. they hug and she says you looks tired. take a bath. JY holds onto her hands saying: you said you have to work so you have to go right away. cant I just look at you like this? he gets a text from T saying he is in front of JY’s home. I really don’t like friends. she says see you tm cuz it’s Fri. he doesnt let her go without a kiss. she says you smell like shaving cream so wash up. JY: I love you. it might be a real burden/pressure but I love you like crazy. she touches his face and leaves
she downloads his writing from JY’s computer and moves it over to a USB. she notices the puzzle photo as she calls and asks where T is now and asks to meet. JY comes out from the shower and KW calls. JY says thank goodness cuz I worried. KW – dont ever think you are alone. next to your side I am there. you know right? KW is riding on that road on his bike with his arms outstretched and his eyes closed. (*that’s exactly what happened on city of angels right before she got run over by a truck so this does not bode well at all)
T reads over the contents she pulled from the computer and says from the start till the end – it’s a copy of another novel JY wrote – there is hardly anything new that JY wrote. the novel before too -he asked for help. thinking it over again -from the day JB stabbed JY with the fork, JY has been strange. normally he finishes in about 8 months but he wrote for over two years and he plagiarized what he wrote on some parts. but he doesnt seem to know that. HS tells T to stay by JY’s side and not leave him. she gets out and leaves.
HS reports to Lee what she discovered about JY’s inability to function. there is nothing else to confirm. not sleeping, eating, and not being able to write as a writer all confirm that he isn’t functioning. also – realizing it now is ridiculous but there was a danger that he would hurt himself. that he hurts himself and keeps putting himself in danger so there is a certain possibility he could commit suicide. Lee: suicide? HS: to KW – writing is everything – he has Lou Gehrig and because he cant write I believe he would make that kind of choice. the answer is obvious. Lee: how were you able to understand how he could leave you behind when he loves you and how he could want to die. it would have been hard to admit/acknowledge. HS: leaving me behind-the one he loves and wanting to die- it’s cuz of his illness. Jang JY is ill. that is my conclusion/diagnose as a doctor. Lee points out that if JY cant admit to his illness -they have to forcibly hospitalize him and he wont be able to go on his own volition. HS says I know – get him hospitalized for now- to reduce his active symptoms. I will look at the situation and call you. Lee goes over to make arrangements to get JY hospitalized
HS calls T.
JY’s editor comes over and says she heard it all from the PD about JY’s illness and how he cant do the radio program anymore. she cries so T hugs her.
the mom checks the hospital room as Lee tells her about the extra strong glass for the window and how it wont open anymore than what the mom opened for safety. even if he broke through the glass and went out, it’s the second floor so he wont sustain that much injury. Jo says no one is strong enough to break through 30 m of glass. the mom worries about the bathroom cuz that’s where JY sleeps but Jo tells her how JY will sleep well on the bed with meds. the mom asks how long JY will be hospitalized -it wont take months or years right? in books and tv that’s what they say. Lee tells her it will only be about a month or two months. the mom says two months is bearable
Jo has a meeting with other doctor’s about JY’s case saying it’s going to be more difficult than other cases.
JB is out of prison and looks over at a stream remembering his mom and young JY washing there after they were beaten. KW watches him from afar.
JY comes out of the bathroom and HS is sitting there. JY: you have great timing. I washed up. he moves over to her but she holds out her hand saying stop. JY: why? she asks him to just stand there. JY: why? dont you like me going next to you. HS: just so I can look. why are you so handsome making a person’s heart flutter. JY: how much longer do I have to stand here like this. I want to hug you. she gets a call from Lee. Lee says I have the ambulance ready. when should we leave. HS: I will call back. she hangs up and holds out her arms so JY goes over and sits next to her and kisses her forehead and hugs her. JY: I love you. she says let’s stay here like this for a little while. JY: ok. he doesnt know that she is crying and keeps hugging her. she fights her tears but loses.
HS lays in bed with JY telling him “this is the bed”
JY replies: are you fixing me?
Lee asks HS: can we go there now?
HS says to JY: I love you a lot
SK says Jang JY is not crazy – he is sick
They restrain JY on the bed as he fights. He is drugged.
Jo asks JY: now do you know why we hospitalized you?
JY begs HS: this place doesn’t suit me – let me out.
KW says to JY: cuz of you I was really happy.
KW gets hit by a car and there is blood on him as he hits the windshield
JY drives and cries -at the moment of impact when the car hits KW, JY yells out “No!!!”
I kept thinking the one good thing about locking up JY will be that JB can’t get to him, but then I realized that the greater danger hasn’t been JB all this time, but KW. Just like Jo said, if JY will do anything to protect KW, doesn’t it mean that JY is a danger to himself as well. This drama really makes you consider all the people affected by mental disorders like schizophrenia – it’s never just solely about the patients but the people who want to help them get better as well. This condition has not only ripped through and torn apart all of these people’s lives, but it’s devastated so much that there is hardly anything left to rebuild. At least for HS and JY, I hope it’s the love that they have nurtured these past months. I hope it’s strong enough to withstand any more turbulent times coming up cuz I never signed up for a drama with a tragic ending. The close call from That winter the wind blows was bad enough – I certainly don’t want a repeat.