RBTL on Heirs E16-E18

It was like Tan’s words were a wake up call for YD. As soon as he heard them, YD realized what he had been doing was wrong. Like a kid making a hopeful wish, he wanted something that would never appear – she was never going to look at him as more than a friend. He had been chasing after a girl who belongs with the one she loves. All that time when Tan and YD fought over ES, YD didn’t stop to face how wrong that was. That if he truly liked her, he wouldn’t have used her as an excuse to keep fighting Tan. YD finally saw how messed up his behavior was in the past and that clarity brought him to her doorstep. He came for closure, but discovered what it feels like to have a mom’s home cooked meal. For a kid who eats alone at convenience stores, I can’t imagine how touched he was by her gesture. Every time I see a scene like this – where the kid is trying to hold back his tears and gets choked up from a wave of emotions washing over him – I swear the floodgates just open up for me. Then I had a crazy thought – I can’t help but think that ES’s mom likes him. She sees something special in this tall gangly boy. She doesn’t see him the way everyone else does – she only sees a kid who is starving for affection.  I bet that meal filled him up in more ways than one. She didn’t just feed him, she filled up a little part of that hole in his heart -the one aching for a mother’s affection.  I bet that’s why he could barely look her in the eye – if he does, he knew he could no longer control whatever strength he had to hold back his tears.

I switched my main pics on purpose cuz the other one was more powerful, but I wanted to write about that moment of realization that YD had when he noticed the message from his mother. His eyes filled with tears for one reason and one reason only – his mom’s question “are you doing well YD” meant that she came back to this same place just like him. She could have been coming here for years hoping to run into him or just coming here to feel close to him when she missed him. It meant he wasn’t alone in missing his mom. She had been missing him too. It was acknowledgement that she still cared about her son and for a guy who is drowning in solitude – this was a lifeline he never expected to get.

This little restaurant was the last place his mom was when she was waiting for him that day so it held a special memory for YD. That’s why he brought ES here. If a parent dies and you want your girlfriend to meet that deceased parent, you would take her to that gravesite to make a formal greeting, but his mom is alive so this was the only place he could take ES that was close to his heart. All those times he came here, he never noticed his mom’s message. It was cuz ES’s message was written near his mom’s so he finally noticed it. Even after he broke up with ES, he came and sat here smiling – like he had a secret that only he knew about. He said goodbye to ES, but he wasn’t about to let go of his memories with her so he came here again. Then when he read his mom’s message, he had a whole new reason to keep coming here. From now on – whenever he comes here – he can feel a little closer to both his mom and ES.

E18

after Tan says you take her, YD looks at him and grabs him into sitting position. YD: what did you say you jerk. do you want to die. do you have the right to fall apart. Tan: I don’t have the right. Tan looks at him and cries . YD lets him fall to the ground. he stands and leaves Tan there.

Won reports to his dad about Yoon becoming VP. Tan’s mom walks in and listens. the dad says to go now but Won says I didn’t come to meet you. Tan walks in and his mom worries why his face looks like that and if he fought again. the dad yells at Tan -how much longer are you going to do this. his mom cries and Won notices her pain and Tan’s.

Won goes to his room and says get up so we can go to the hospital. Tan says get out. Won says you have a deal with me -to do everything I want. get up. Tan yells to get out. Won yells how much longer are you going to do this – nothing in this home will change even if you do this. Tan cries and asks when do I go to America hyung. I think I will die. please just send me away. please save me. Won looks at him with a sad face

* I think this is when Won made up his mind to be Tan’s brother for real – to finally start acting like one. cuz when you feel this much for his pain – you can no longer deny your own feelings. we all knew that Won really liked his brother cuz of what HJ told Tan, but this was the first time I saw Won look at Tan like this – like he wanted to go over and hug his little brother and comfort him. He may have just stood there, but in his heart he was already holding onto Tan.

Won goes to his hotel and YD is there. YD bows and keeps walking but won tells him to stop. he asks did Tan fight with you. YD says Tan got hit by me – I hit him cuz he deserved to be hit so sue if you want.  won asks why did you hit my younger brother. YD smiles and says sorry – I shouldn’t hit kids with older brothers, but I forgot Tan has a hyung. cuz Tan doesn’t make it obvious.  Won: not only does he not have a hyung -Tan must not have friends too. you put medicine on your face too or it will scar.

*they just indirectly implied that Won isn’t being a good brother cuz he doesn’t act like one and YD isn’t being a good friend for hitting Tan.

YD goes to ES’s neighborhood and waits around. his mom walks past so he bows to her and says hello mother. she remembers him from before and then recognizes his uniform. he says I came to see ES but she isn’t home. her mom motions she isn’t here and for him to go but she stops and looks back at him.

inside her home she made food for him and picks up his chopsticks for him and motions for him to eat. he bows and says I will eat well and says you eat too mother. she writes ES went to seoul cuz there was paperwork for school to take care of. he starts to eat and she moves the food closer to him. he thanks her and tries not to cry as he eats. he says it’s really delicious. she writes are you a friend in the same class with her – are you close with my ES?  YD says I like ES. he smiles and continues eating.

After her fight with Tan’s dad, Tan’s mom sits in front of her mirror and looks at her crying reflection. she takes off all her jewelry -symbolizing what she is willing to give up and let go of. All this time having all those nice things meant something to her cuz they were the only things that gave her brief moments of happiness during all those lonely years when she missed Tan, but she finally realizes she is paying too high a price for them if she never gets to see the sky outside. just like the empty words his dad used to get her to come live here – she realizes how hollow her life has been. when he said he was going through all this cuz he had been bewitched by something cheap and shiny and now his home has become ridiculous, those words cut right through her. Then he drove the nail in when he said “tell Tan -when you don’t know what to choose – choose the most expensive. cheaper it is the more it will shine so that he doesn’t end up like his father – come to his senses.”

Rachel goes to cancel the order for her mom’s dress cuz the wedding was called off and YD comes in to cancel his dad’s order too saying the reason is the same. they sit and wait. he says the wedding was broken off and the engagement too. I lost a sexy younger sister – so upsetting. she says dont worry. so it’s more upsetting for you I wont lose this sexiness.  YD: I really liked my younger sister.  she says since today is such a happy day let’s eat together but he retorts don’t try to seduce me cuz you aren’t my younger sister anymore so you dont know what I will do. I have someplace to go – let’s eat next time. she asks where are you going

YD sits at the restaurant and smiles looking over at ES’s writing on the wall, but then he suddenly notices the message his mom left him on the wall – “are you doing well YD?” he stares at it and starts to cry

*I sort of get why he feels better when he comes here and why he keeps seeking it out. Everywhere else, he has to be someone else – someone tough and indifferent. He has an image to maintain in the outside world, but here he gets to be his true self. For those few minutes he sits here – his pain lessens, his worries die down somewhat, he doesn’t feel as alone, and there is unspoken solace here. It’s where he gets to shut out the chaos of the real world and just bask in the silence – to be at peace with himself.

Won goes to see ES. Won: Tan would have come to see you and left -did you see him cuz he told me he was going to go see you. if you saw him you know these days Tan is a mess. don’t you think that’s cuz of you. I think you share part of the blame – what do you think. if you stay here aren’t you going to school. what about Tan -dont you miss him?  are you enduring or did you forget him. answer so I can say the things I prepared to say. she says I wont meet him -I can just forget him – I’m in the process of forgetting. what is it that you want to say. I don’t have much time (cuz she has to work). he asks when will you go back to where you were originally. you being here – it was my father’s wrongdoing.  Tan and I know that well. so that means you can  do you want to do. I just came to do the obvious.  what do you want to do. when it’s hard to make a decision -dont look too far ahead and just look at tm. if you can think of what you want to do right away tm -the answer will change. if you need an excuse to go back to Tan’s side, how about the final exams. when you cant summon courage -leaning on a small excuse is a way too.

Tan is in the wine cellar and Won goes down to see him. Won says you said you would do everything I told you. Tan says yes I will go to America – when do I have to depart. Won says the first thing I want from you is for you to take the final exams well.  go to school. this time too – if you get last place again…” Won holds back his lecture and grabs a note that was placed between the bottles of his wine and says that girl wrote this. I told her those wines were mine and seeing how she placed it between them it must mean for me to give it to you. I found it a few days ago and wasn’t going to give it to you – why should I, but if this is the reason for you to live then live. you asked me to save you. Tan takes the note. He sits and reads it

ES gets dressed for school

Tan is sitting on a bench and she is sitting next to him smiling. she says hi Kim Tan. did you study a lot. i didn’t study much so i’m worried. he asks is it really you. she says I wanted to ask last time when I saw you, but what happened to your face. what happened dummy. he says you left. she says now I came back. I wont run away anymore. first I will take the final exams. after that I will come up with some excuse. that’s how I will stay here next to you. he grabs her and hugs tightly.

YD walks down the hall and hears ES is back from other kids. he sees ES walking towards him. she goes over and calls out his name but he ignores her and keeps walking.

*he was hurt that he found out through other kids that she was back. on top of the pain he feels cuz he knows she didn’t return for him.

ES jokes were you going to kiss but I came in. BN scolds saying are you crazy – the broadcast club became a mess  cuz of you- what are you going to do. come here. she hugs ES and CY says what happened – where were you during that time- you changed your number too. ES says you guys missed me a lot huh? BN says what a laugh. if you didn’t come we would have had to select a new PD. so don’t go anywhere again. got that?  ES says sorry for not contacting you. she says how she should have called CY’s dad but didn’t get a chance cuz it was too chaotic. CY: is everything ok now. is everything settled. ES: it’s not ok and there is a lot to settle but I just came cuz I missed you guys a lot. he says whatever happens tell us ahead of time if you are leaving or coming. he asks for her new number but BN says no – me first. I will save it first and tell him. BN says to CY – be good to me or I wont tell you her number . CY says yes

the kids are taking exams. YD looks over at ES and starts taking the exam

YD and Tan walk down the hall and pass each other without a word.

YD goes to see ES and asks want to walk or get dragged away. ES: did something happen? YD: I’m in the process of trying to understand how a loan shark feels. how good would it have been if you paid it on your own if you had a debt. you have to make me chase after you like this and use force for you to obey. let’s go to eat noodles.

YD is eating and she stares. he asks aren’t you eating. ES: huh? I’m eating. he asks why come to school. ES: to take the exam. YD: other than that. ES: I wanted to come back. YD: that means you want to go down that road don’t you. she says I want to go on it now. he finally looks up and says while fighting with Jin Kyuk chairman dont get hurt. if it’s hard dont get hurt pushing your way into battle. that way I can say –  you sure look good. I knew that would happen and make you feel sorry. ES: I will. YD: I ate well. go well. let’s not meet anymore. I am dumping you now. she asks cant we even be friends. he says I told you before – I don’t do stuff like that. from the start you were a girl to me and even now you are a girl. from here on you are my first love. when we run into each other let’s not say hi. let’s not ask are you doing well either. even after a long time passes let’s not say “we were like that back then” like it was a memory -smiling and acting like we know each other. you pay for this. I ate well. he gets up and leaves.

YD walks away and she comes out and watches him leave.

*Someone needs to tell him you cant dump someone you weren’t even dating.  Then it dawned on me – he really did see this as a relationship – albeit one sided, but a relationship nonetheless. All those feeble attempts to get her to cooperate, but in the end he did all the work – he was the only one trying to make it work, being protective of her, willing to jump through hoops to get her attention, trying to get something other than friendship started, even went so far as to get her to owe him a debt just to have an excuse to share a meal together. He tried to get her to memorize his number or call him first, but he might as well have been talking to himself cuz she never planned to do any of those things. I think he needed to voice those words aloud – that he is dumping her. It was the only way he could convince himself to let go now.

Why does it have to be all or nothing with this guy – why does he have to be like Tan and have no middle ground. I hope he doesn’t get his way on this. I hope ES does continue to act like she knows him. How does he plan to avoid her. He can pretend he doesn’t see her around school all he wants – but he will feel it deep down in his heart each time – that pang of lost love. There are people in this world – once you let them into your heart – it’s hard to get them out. Words alone wont do it. pretending wont work either. maybe just acceptance that you cant do anything – just like how helpless he was in falling for her – it’s going to be the same way as he tries to forget her. Bet he wont last even a day.

Instead of sleeping over at BN’s home, ES and Tan stay overnight at MS’s studio. next morning as they walk hand in hand, Tan asks how could you study all night. she says it would feel strange to do anything else during exam time. he wants to see what rank she gets this time. ES: do you think I would keep my eyes closed. I feel sorry to MS for always using his studio without paying. Tan: these days what I get angry about myself is being underage/ a minor. ES: what does that mean. Tan: there are a lot of meanings. ES: why dont you like being underage? Tan: cuz it looks like a minor’s truth is acting out due to adolescence. ES: there is no other way – let’s hurry and grow up. Tan says in a cheeky tone: dont you want to hear the second reason. ES: no just pick up your phone. Tan gets a call from his mom. she asks where he slept yesterday and scolds him for making her worry. Tan: I slept over at MS’s. you woke up early mom.  she asks what time will you come later.  I might not be home so I’m just telling you. do well on your exam. she hangs up. she was in the middle of packing.

Tan’s mom tells his dad – let’s break up oppa. he asks did you drink during this early in the morning. she says I want to live looking at the sky now. let’s end it. he says I understand what I said could have hurt you. but still using Tan as an excuse -what? break up? end it? he cant believe she is doing this. thinking of Tan, she wants to leave Tan at jeguk but if Tan doesn’t want to then she will do what Tan wants. he yells who said – what right do you have. she says I know I dont have that right. so that’s why let’s break up. there is no registry to sort. there is no inheritance to take. if I alone leave we can end. be well chairman. no matter how it started – I loved you.

they stand by the doorway. she is all packed. she says we dont have a single photo that we took together. I realized that today. I will tell Tan well. he will understand. the dad understand what – it’s happening to me and I dont get it. secretary Jun says I will escort her to the airport. she says why would I go to the airport. I just wanted to get out the front gate of this home. the dad says even though you came in the way you wanted-when you leave it’s different.  go to America and stay there until you feel better looking at the sky in America and shop all you want.. she says I cant speak English so what are you talking about America – cant I even break up the way I want. he says don’t contact Tan and go directly to the airport. he tells sec Jung to take her. she tries calling him chairman as he walks off but then she gets desperate and yells ya – Kim Na Myun in banmal.

while waiting outside for her luggage to be loaded into the car, she hops into a passing cab and urges the driver to hurry and go

she calls Tan in front of the school, but cant reach him. YD drives by but makes his car reverse. he comes out of his car and says hello to her. she says aren’t you YD. YD: yes. what brings you here. it’s late but… he apologizes for last time (the incident at her home) but she says “YD – have you not seen my Tan? it’s urgent -could you go look for him.  he wont pick up his phone. YD asks are you going somewhere. she says I dont have time. since director Lee is there I cant go into school. can you find Tan for me. YD puts her in his car and tells her to be sure to stay there. then he runs around school looking for Tan. flashback to when young Tan did the same for him. YD finds Tan and says your mother is out front of the school. hurry and go. Tan runs off and YD runs after him. his car pulls up and Tan gets in the car with his mom. Tan thanks YD as he gets in. YD sees sec Jung arrive and look for her.

YD imagines how his mom would have asked passing kids – did you not see my YD. have you not seen him. couldn’t you find him for me. YD passes by and walks through that imagined scene

*by watching how desperate Tan’s mom was to find Tan, YD realizes how desperate his own mom must have been – wanting to see him for that last time. He probably wonders how different his life would have been if he chose back then to leave with her. He would have never become this kind of kid – someone who could bully other kids to cover up the fact that he was just as helpless as them in front of his father. someone who had so much warmth in him but had to have an icy façade to protect himself cuz despite having a father – he never stopped feeling alone ever since his mother left.

YD sits at the restaurant and reads the note from his mom – are you well YD. he replies no I think I lived wrong. He rides off on his bike

*When he said I think I lived wrong – I was pretty sure he meant his bullying ways and also how he treated ES in the past and not just how he let his friendship with Tan break up over Tan’s illegitimacy when they were kids. It’s like he had to go through that search for Tan for his mother’s sake just like Tan did that for YD in the past. YD finally gets how true a friend Tan was back then and how wrong it was for YD to turn on his friend over something his friend couldn’t even control. it’s like all his past wrongs caught up to YD. I sure hope this means YD will change his ways and start living the right way for a change. which means he owes a lot of kids apologies.

Tan calls for his driver to come to the parking garage. he asks if she really separated from his dad. she says yes even if we separated nothing will change for you. you will continue to be my son and your father’s son. Tan: is that really all of it? then why are you being chased.  what were those guards awhile ago. she lies -your father tried to stop me. but now I don’t love your father anymore.  I think your father feels the same too so that is why we separated. Tan: dont lie. if you love and separate – would you get chased by guards.  would you run off without a single bag with nothing on you (but the clothes on your back). would he put a guard on you to stop you if you say you are leaving. what did father do to you. she says it’s not like that.  he makes her get in the car. go someplace and I will contact you. but she doesn’t have a place to go cuz she left without any plans so he says go to YD’s hotel and I will call. she asks where are you going

Tan goes to see his dad. Tan says I met mom. I told you – mom is your woman so take responsibility for her. but you threw mom away. his dad says who threw her away she was going to leave for a while to get some air. how is that throwing her away. Tan says that’s throwing her away. I will take responsibility for mom now. the dad asks by what method will you take responsibility for your mom. Tan: the method of making her part with you. I will leave this home. from now on I will live as mom’s family. I dont need your permission. while living – those things that made me happy-it was everything that you didn’t give permission for.  still – thank you for having me. Tan bows

the dad is hospitalized. JS rubs it in that he put on this show but no one is by his side. you only have me left. what are you going to do. he says make them come. if they don’t come today make them come tm. if they dont come tm then I have to make them come the day after. you take care of Tan’s birthday -prepare it the same as Won. she points out the whole world knows Tan is illegitimate so how could they make it the same as Won’s but he says cuz the whole world knows we have to have it the same as Won’s.  make it big.

Tan goes to see Won. won asks you heard dad was hospitalized right. Tan didn’t know. why? won says forget it if you didn’t know. don’t go there. Tan thinks maybe it’s cuz of me. won says It’s not cuz of you. I heard your mom left home. tell her the villa in cheongdamdong will be vacated. you and your mother’s choice – it’s partly cuz of me. Tan says I liked you hyung. until mom could come in –  between father and big (meaning older) mother -I could lean on you -you were the only one. sorry for leaning on you cuz I wanted to. all those awful things I said to you and those awful acts – I’m sorry. Won: dont apologize – it’s uncomfortable. what are you going to do about what father prepared. the whole company is being loud about your birthday. Tan is hearing about this for the first time. Won says cuz of your birthday father is calling all the reporters. Tan says but I told him like that (meaning he made his point clear but his dad disregarded it). Won: it’s tonight at the hotel –you have to make a choice – if you don’t go father will become a laughingstock. but Tan says I will go. so you come too. won says i am busy so go now. he goes back to his seat as Tan walks out, but Won says happy birthday without looking at him. Tan stops when he hears that and smiles at Won

YS comes in to see if they heard about Tan’s birthday party but BN already knew cuz she got a text invitation while HS and CY got paper invites. CY asks if HS is going to cause another ruckus and he says I’m going to so BN says dont – are you going to kiss with Rachel at the party again. YS asks him – are you dating her. BN says I am opposed.  I cant get another one of my people stolen by Rachel. CY says it sounds like you had a painful experience. BN: wonder if ES is going to the party -I better call her. CY says to her – you better not go to Tan’s party or I will break your legs. HS: is that really Yoon CY? BN: yes isn’t he totally cool? she hugs CY’s arm.

ES comes out of her home and guards are there to escort her

Tan is dressed with his hair slicked back. he is waiting and ES comes out all dressed up. he says you are really pretty. ES: as long as you know. Tan says this is how I am paying back for the cab fare and says we have to be courageous today. you can do it right. he holds out his hand and says let’s go.

they pull up to the hotel for the party and stand together on the red carpet with reporters flashing lights. he asks are you shaking. she says a little. he says it might be difficult but still be brave and go straight ahead (forward)

How tightly must you hold on for you to realize the longer you hold her – the harder it will be letting go. At first I was thinking – whatever happened to self preservation? Why can’t he let her go. Protect your own heart for a change. But then that urgency – the desperate way he hugged her from sheer relief that she was okay – it was palpable even without the words. Each time I see Young Do doing his all to protect and cherish her, my heart just chokes up from all the emotion.  No matter how many times his heart asks the question “do I have a chance,” the only answers he will ever get back are her sympathetic looks or silence. All we are ever going to get from these two are these stolen moments – when Young Do seizes the opportunity to express how much she means to him with all the sincerity in the world. What gets me though is that they both know the truth – even if Tan isn’t there in her presence, they are fully aware Tan is always in her heart. But for Young Do – knowing that doesn’t make him let go any faster.

You couldn’t tell from the way he clung to her, but deep down inside, he knows he will have to let her go one day soon. I guess as long as that day isn’t now, he will continue to hold onto every moment he can have with her. Tan will get to spend the rest of his life with her so it’s only fair Young Do gets to hold onto his little dream for even a second longer. Forget that it kills him a little more each time that he has to let go – if this is the only way he can say goodbye to his first love, I say let him take his time. Aside from keeping Tan’s secret all those years, loving ES was the next best thing Young Do ever did.

I listened to the lyrics to the new OST sung my LMH and it was pretty ironic how the words fit Young Do’s emotions so well during that hug:

“I want to live as if I forgot you, but without you I can’t do anything. the love that is always by my side -that love is you. I cant catch it- cant let it go – my painful love. how much of myself do I have to throw away. can you hear my sobbing heart. I want to hug you like crazy- without you I can’t endure. even if I gave away everything I had, it wouldn’t be a waste – my one love. cant stop it cant block it – my painful love – my love.”

E17

Tan walks the streets in a daze calling her number and hearing it doesn’t exist. It’s like life lost all meaning for him. He remembers the last time he saw her – when she was smiling and waving as he closed the door

Tan goes home and tells his dad – ES is gone. no matter how much I looked for her – she is gone- what are you going to do – what did you do? where did you send ES. his dad says this is all your fault – from the start – you shouldn’t have let her look at you. Tan: I looked at her – I shook her up. I begged her to have courage. you should have sent me away -you should have made me get on the plane. why? cuz I’m insurance for hyung – you couldn’t send me away? what gives you the right to ruin a life.  his dad says – I just did it to let her live a life that befits her level.  she will be withdrawn from school. Tab: don’t do that. his dad says – don’t look for her. the second you find her  – that’s when her life will be ruined or real. go.

CY tells his dad how Tan is going crazy looking for her and ES phone is disconnected. do you by any chance know what happened.  Yoon says ES wont be coming to school starting from tm. she left and I helped. CY: leave? where? Seoul? where. Yoon I dont know where she went. she said don’t ask so I didnt. all I helped was to get her situated at her current location. she said to wait so I said I would wait. CY: how could she do that – how could she leave without one word to me. is it cuz of Kim Tan? she didn’t go abroad right?    the details. Yoon says I cant tell you about ES- hear it directly from her later.  she said she would contact me when she gets situated. if something happens she said she would contact me. let’s wait. CY: what happened.

girls say Cha ES is absent today. MS wonders why ES is absent. he says to BN: CY would probably know huh? BN: maybe she is hurt. she didn’t reply to my text.  MS: call her – that would be faster. BN: If I call it’s like I’m her friend. maybe someone is bothering her again and I don’t know about it. She glares at Rachel.

Tan comes in and asks CY – hasnt she contacted you since then – did she call or not. CY says I told you – don’t look for ES from me. ES being like this – I think it’s cuz of you. do you think differently? YD comes in and says CY’s name to ask the same thing but CY says you don’t try to get info from me too and leaves with BN. YD asks everyone: I have something to discuss with Tan so would everyone go out. it’s urgent/vital so please cooperate.  kids leave but  MS says I will be outside the door – I wont leave the two of you together now. don’t fight. YD says Cha ES disappeared -you finally made that happen. she is at alive at least right?  Tan says I don’t have time for you now. I will find her my way so you find her your way. YD: you should know where she was sent. is it Korea or abroad? Tan says I have to find out. wherever it is – I will find out.

JS tells Tan that his dad wanted her to withdraw ES from school but Tan tells her don’t do that. ES will come back. JS: is that a request. Tan: it’s a deal. give and take. a moment will come when you need me mother.

YD goes through files in the broadcasting room about the club and finds ES’s info sheet. HS comes in asking who gave you permission to do this. YD says I am investigating. aside from that is there anything else Cha ES left behind?  HS: what are you talking about? what investigating? Tan comes in and asks HS for a favor and hands him a copy of ES’s passport. HS: is something going on today? YD looks at the copy. YD: Cha ES didn’t come to school today and it looks like she wont come tm too. HS asks Tan what’s going on. Tan asks for him to look into whether ES boarded any flights as soon as you can. call me. Tan leaves. HS asks YD: are you stalling for me tell you to leave?  YD: why show preference so obviously? (cuz HS is siding with Tan)  making me feel hurt.

Tan gives a USB to the security and asks for all the CCTV footage knowing it will be reported to his dad. he goes through them and watches her stuff being moved out. HS calls and says she didn’t board any plane – her passport wasn’t reported missing. Tan: thank goodness – she is still in the country. did your father help you? HS: it was done in secret. if I get in trouble or get kicked out you take responsibility for me. Tan thanks him. right away, Tan calls YD and tells him: it’s me – Cha ES is in Korea. YD compliments him: I didn’t even make you so you are doing well sharing info.  Tan: cuz two is better than one. we have to hurry and find her. YD: when are you going to pay back your debt to me? you didn’t forget right? I brought eight bodyguards.  even wore a helmet for you. cuz of you….” Tan stops listening and watches as ES looked at the CCTV camera and waved bye at him.

YD: “hello? what is this.” he hangs up and smiles – “she is still in the country.”  he opens his laptop and writes to the administrator on the Zeus webpage and types in her name and the ID: YD lover. he types all this from a girl’s perspective. YD: Zeus hotel’s heir Choi Young Do is bullying me. Choi Young Do has perfect looks and manners. he tripped me and blackmailed me into eating black bean noodles. he pretended to catch me and dropped me into the pool, but he liked me a lot. I was going to hold it in cuz Choi Young Do is handsome, but I want compensation for my suffering. but will it be any use to cancel the approval when my heart has already made the payment?” After he is done he calls his lawyer saying : I have to pay for the cost of my looks.

YD is at the restaurant staring at what she wrote on the wall. YD: now you are a wish. MS comes in and YD says why are you so late. MS whispers what he heard about ES from the kids-that she isn’t absent without permission – she has disappeared. overnight the place she was staying in was emptied out. to tell the truth she isn’t a charity case – her father is” but YD cuts in and says her father passed away so MS changes it to her mother but YD says just eat.

MS passes by in his car and calls out to Tan -“omo isn’t this my smaller/younger brother -what are you doing. Tan says it’s good you came. where did you park this car two days ago? MS says in front of my house as always. why? Tan asks for his car’s black box memory card so I can find Cha ES. MS: she is inside my car’s black box? Tan: she might be – hurry. MS asks the driver to take out the memory card. MS gets a message on kakao. how do these kids know so well why I was born. I just got invited – want to go to a club? Tan: just give me the memory card. he suddenly takes off

Tan got an idea to check if he can use her previous number that has been disconnected. turns out another person is using the number now so Tan calls the new owner of the number and offers to buy the phone number. no matter how much.

Tan got her previous number. he gets a message from YD who texted her old number on kakao. YD: where are you cha ES? I miss you. I’m just babbling on a number that doesn’t exist. Tan calls YD

YD gets that call and gets excited that the call is from ES cuz her number popped up. when he hears Tan’s voice, YD is annoyed and says: even if Cha ES isn’t there you answer her phone. Tan: I have control over this phone number so you find another way. YD: how clever of you – got any other smart ideas? Tan: did you find out anything? YD: I set a trap and now I’m waiting while confessing into a number that doesn’t exist. but you threw cold water on my expectation so now I’m really upset. hang up. YD calls his lawyer asking cant you contact the victim yet?  the man says no. she didn’t sign up for a phone under the name Cha ES. same for her guardian Park K. (her mother’s name).  so it’s hard to locate her whereabouts. so YD asks please call as soon as you find out anything.

Tan gets a message that she used her credit card so he calls all night even though it’s really late at night and apologizes. by morning he locates the place she used her card from the description of the girl who used the card. Tan says I will go there now where is that place.

Tan’s dad learns that Yoon took her away after they confirmed she went inside to board. CCTV footage showed she moved her belongings out in the morning.

ES is walking along a beach with her mom asking you aren’t cold mom? her mom makes sure ES is warm so ES says I’m ok.

ES is working at a bookstore and the owner says sales increased since ES came in. she asks why ES doesn’t go to school so ES says it’s not been long since I quit to take my GED.

Her mom goes looking for work at restaurants but gets turned away for not being able to speak. ES cheers her up saying it’s ok – there will be a place that will acknowledge your skills mom. have strength. I should get a cell phone tm.  in case someone changes their mind and tries to contact you we must take the call. go in first mom cuz I need to buy rubber gloves. I will go in soon. after she sends her mom away ES cries

* as if having to move so far away from Seoul wasn’t punishment enough, I think this is when ES realized the choice she made in loving Tan has now affected her mom’s chances for getting a job. now she feels guilty.

On the car ride over Tan recalls his memories with ES.

Tan tracks down the place her last credit card use was – when she bought the rubber gloves an hour ago. he runs around looking for her again.

ES washes her uniform and clothes and hangs it up to dry. with each outfit she hangs up, she recalls the memory associated with that item of clothing. she remembers how he held out his hand  and she said – sorry for being so late. they held hands and he said let’s go. how he said he would make it so she can cross all the thresholds in this world. she remembers more of their memories as she hangs up the California t-shirt.

Tan spots the California t shirt and ES. he stares at her and turns around as she goes down the steps. she doesn’t notice him as she walks down. she sits at the beach and he watches from a distance. He takes one step towards her, but turns around.

*at a time when he needed courage the most – he isn’t able to summon it while she has none left.

ES gets a call from the police station and asks what’s going on. YD gets a call: you were able to contact her? then she got a new phone. then let’s do it this way. I will go to where the victim is and meet her.  no I will go.my only goal/objective was to find out where Cha ES is.

YD paces at the police station then sits down. he asks the cop – why isn’t Cha ES coming. maybe she ran off. cuz this might happen I said I would come here to meet her…ES arrives just as he was yelling. he stops and sees her. she says it’s really Choi YD.

he quickly goes over and hugs her. YD: thank you. for being safe. for showing up. thank you very much.

they walk on the beach. YD is asking why aren’t you getting angry. don’t make a face (as in don’t look unhappy) and reply too. it’s a guest who came from far away – aren’t you happy to see me. there must be someone else you would be happy to see but I wont speak of him even if I die so don’t expect it. did he already come and go?  she says it’s cold so let’s go now. he says I will take off my coat so stay a little longer and go. she reminds him- you don’t like a place without a roof cuz it’s cold – hurry and go.  YD: so what if there is no roof. just need the beach. saw that you are safe – you broke up with Kim Tan -cuz you didn’t want to let me know where your home is so we walked in circles and I got to walk on the beach with you – I’m totally having a great time. she says as soon as I saw you I was so scared. since you finding me was this easy -how many people already came and saw me and went -I was scared of that. YD: out of all the many people who came and saw you and went -I’m the least scary person. ES: that’s true. YD: so are you going to keep staying here? you aren’t going to come to Seoul? ES: when Kim Tan forgets me. YD: then you will come soon to Seoul. YD: dummy. don’t make a phone with your name. you have to have run away for you to know that. want to run away with me. think of it as learning (an education). she calls his name aloud (about to say something he doesn’t want to hear) YD: it really hurts a lot – each time you call me like that. she starts to say – I have a favor dont come here anymore, but he cuts in and says don’t say for me not to come. I caused trouble with my father that I might get beaten to death to come here. I will come again. he pats her arm and leaves.

YD’s dad asks who is Cha ES. it caused an uproar all over the homepage. YD says the girl I like. the homepage – she didn’t do it – it was my doing. the girl disappeared overnight so other than that way -there was no other way to find her. the dad says you are going to be the face of our hotel.  but to find one girl – you make up something that isn’t real and  spread it all over the country. YD: it was cuz if I couldn’t find her I would go crazy.  I was prepared for this – but meeting that girl or not meeting that girl -don’t make that stuff your business.  It’s ok if you make it your business for anything else about me,  but for a girl problem –  you don’t have the right to do that. his dad agrees -“that’s true.” YD: do you mean that? the dad says but you cant beat me in a straight out match. at that time – instead of the match that the deal is better  -let’s just say you realized that. He makes YD go with him to eat dinner with esther and Rachel. after his dad walks out first, YD finally exhales.

*We always wondered what YD would do if he was in Tan’s shoe – how would he manage his abusive father regarding ES. we got our answers tonight. when it comes to ES – YD found the courage to stand up to his dad – even if the price for doing that is another beating. I had a feeling YD would use this card. He knows full well that his dad doesn’t have any right to tell him what to do about a girl since his dad hasn’t exactly been a role model in that department. The man made his wife leave him, had all those affairs even behind his fiancé’s back in front of his son, and it doesn’t look like his dad will ever be able to hold onto one woman so what right does he have to lecture his son. Then again, that didn’t exactly stop Tan’s dad. I wonder if YD’s dad would have answered differently if he had known about ES’s background, but I don’t think it would have mattered. No matter what – YD would have stood his ground and protected ES with everything he had.  He just didn’t get the chance to prove it, but his heart was in this for the long run come hell or high water.

His dad makes a toast for their new family. he gets a call about the prosecutor’s office investigating Zeus. he wants to know why Zeus is the target -are we the same as others. he hangs up and YD asks what that was. his dad says it’s no big deal – I can get it settled tm with a meeting. I had a more important talk but cuz of the unnecessary call the mood has been broken. I was going to say this after the toast, but I want to move up the wedding but Esther says I don’t want to go through with this marriage. you popped the champagne too soon. that call you just got now is urgent/important- I heard some things about it but let’s talk over the details tm without the kids. since we were once engaged, it’s my last kindness so let’s meet for sure tm. we will be leaving first. she takes Rachel and leaves. his dad says you don’t need to make that face – even if there is an investigation… YD cuts in and worries cuz Esther backed out. his dad says don’t worry about Zeus hotel – I will leave it untarnished for you. his dad pats his shoulder. YD says you know I wasn’t worrying about that

Rachel asks if YD’s dad will be arrested – will the Zeus hotel be ruined. is that why you broke off the marriage. esther says no it wont be ruined. what kind of chaebol will be ruined. even if something happens, don’t you know chaebols will be safe. I just think there is no need for my company to follow along so I broke it off. Rachel says thank goodness. esther: for breaking off the wedding? Rachel: YD wont be ruined. esther asks if Rachel has affection for YD. Rachel explains how YD was her comrade -cuz of you mom how miserable I was – choi YD was the only one who comforted me.

Tan is at the apartment and looks at the dream catcher remembering how ES said only pretty dreams will go through that hole. he remembers her waving at the CCTV. he takes down the dream catcher

Won: what? Tan: I will do everything you want. if you tell me to go to America I will.  if you ask me to hand over all my stocks I will. if you tell me not to come back again – I wont come in. if you tell me not to see each other till we die, I will live like that so from father and from me – rescue ES.  I ruined ES. cuz I liked her -I pushed her to the edge of the cliff. home -school – friends- even the future she dreamed about – I ruined it all. I did my best to stay next to ES’s side -but why is the only way to protect her this one thing – why does leaving have to be the way.   Won asks: are you asking for help right now or to fight? Tan: I am giving you the chance to steal everything you can from me. so make it so that ES can go back to where she was. Won: does it mean you wont see her again- will you be ok doing that?  Tan says I will meet her one last time.

ES goes out and it’s raining. she doesn’t have an umbrella but she looks across the street and Tan is standing there with one. he walks over to her and she starts to cry and steps down one step. she says what do I do if you are here.  if you show up again like this what do I do. Tan: I’m sorry. ES: if you are sorry -go. I ran away to avoid you so why chase after me again. Tan: I’m sorry. what I ruined – I will put it right. the school you attended – the home you lived in – friends -your life to when I wasn’t there. I will return you to before you met me.  . she says there is no need – I don’t want to go back. this place is comfortable and I like it. what you have to do is for me not to have to leave for somewhere else. so don’t come here again. if you come I have to leave again. Tan: by any chance – from the first moment we met till now did I torment you. she says yes. Tan: so I see – I wont come again. for asking you to hold my hand for asking you to have courage – I’m sorry. goodbye Cha ES. he gives her his umbrella and walks away in the rain. she lets go of the umbrella and crouches down sobbing.

*He knew her answer was a lie, but I think the fact that she had to lie to his face that he tormented her was what hurt him so much. His father didn’t leave her any choice. his dad took away all the courage she ever had and this was when Tan realized his father did one more thing that crossed the line. his dad broke her spirit – something Tan always loved and admired about her and knowing he was the cause for that broken spirit is what made him so regretful as he walked away.

**why do these two keep having significant moments in the rain – that day in California after Tan had that cold reunion with Won when Tan’s heart was breaking and her just being there helped him. now when both his and her heart are breaking -who can heal their broken spirits.

Tan goes home to his dad. his dad wonders why Tan looks so awful. Tan: I found ES- just came from seeing her. his dad yells you’ve gone crazy. Tan: but I wont see her again father. you won. I lost. so stop messing with that kid. dad says you are a kid who lacks.  why make all this fuss cuz I got rid of one girl.  Tan yells back -my heart aches. it’s difficult and I miss her. living is unbearable.

his mom is worried about Tan when he comes out. she says why go around like this. your clothes are soaked. you have a car. she tries to wipe the water off his face but he pulls away. she asks what’s wrong – what happened. he goes to his room and locks it. she wonders why he locked it again. please open for a second cuz I’m worried. she hears him breaking stuff inside. she begs him to open the door. his dad comes over and sees her worried and hears the ruckus inside

his room is trashed. Tan sits there crying with his hand bloody.

Tan is at school with his hand bandaged. YD stares at him looking concerned for Tan. the bell rings for the start of class, but Tan gets up and leaves just as HJ walks in. she tells him to go to his seat but he leaves

HJ meets with HS saying you know Kim Tan right? kids say you are close with him. HS: yes – so? HJ: is something happening with him. HS asks to ask me that – is that why you called me. HJ: would there be something else I would have to speak to you about.  should I talk about the college entrance exam now? he says you saw me kiss some other girl – if you called me you should talk about that first. I did it so you would see. HJ: so there is a girl you like now. then will you get some control over your heart (his feelings for her). I thought thank goodness. HS: why is that thank goodness when you know who I like.  she asks cant we talk about Tan again. he asks did you tutor Tan too – why are you so interested in him. she says he is the younger brother to someone I know. HS: do you know Won hyung? how? you didnt go to the same college. did you date him?  she denies it. HS: you dated. I must have seemed childish to you. he gets up saying -I will be going. ask about Tan to your boyfriend. HS leaves

Tan sits at the movie theater ES went to and looks at the dream catcher shop. He cries in his sleep.

next morning Tan grabs the envelope from the guy spying for his dad and dumps the photos of ES and her mom. the man says how the chairman wanted to know her whereabouts.

Won meets with some woman for an arranged blind date. he says you are late. she asks did you come cuz you are thinking of marriage or cuz of the chairman just being polite. call if you are interested in getting married. if you don’t have any thoughts on it then let’s just say we had a meal and that we had a drink (coffee). my boyfriend is waiting. she gets up to leave but Won says why didn’t you just come with him?  let’s say we had a meal, had some tea, and saw a movie. I will get up first. the reason I am getting up first is cuz your is tiring.  on his way out Won gets a call from the police station

Won goes and Tan’s face is bruised and bloody. Tan drove without a license and was caught speeding. Won asks is this America. Tan asks how much longer do I have to stay. did he say I can leave. Won: your method is wrong. if you rebel like this -what do you benefit. Tan laughs at the word “rebel”   aren’t you grateful. I am living the way you want. at least among our family – there is no longer anyone who can endanger your position.  ah – we aren’t family. take care of this. who knows -there might come a time again when I need to take your side.

Won goes to meet his dad. dad is upset that Tan drove -he is getting worse – what is he doing. Won: don’t you know. a kid who hasn’t grown up yet acted like a grownup and endured and is now breaking apart.  dad says before he breaks – why cant he think of being strong first. Won: for the eighteen years I ignored and hated him Tan was always warm and truthful to me. you cant even imagine that sort of strength father. but that kind of kid is now breaking apart.  don’t you feel anything? dad says I don’t want to hear.  how was the the blind date. won asks did you chase away the girl Tan likes. the dad says set a date for marriage next spring cuz we need her connection. Won asks again – did you chase away that girl.  dad says what is there to chase away or not. I did what I could.  Won: wasn’t I enough? (meaning isn’t what you did to me enough) the dad points out he wouldn’t have done this to Tan if it wasn’t for Won. you are like that with HJ so how could I stand by and watch Tan.  (Tan doing the same thing -going after the wrong girl). how do you intend to do business. won: haven’t you thought of trusting me and leaving it up to me. dad says to bring that B telecom young lady (Won’s blind date) in front of me then I will trust you. won: that’s how you will trust me? his dad says go now-  these days I’m so tired.

MS says the DJ lineup for the club is no joke – we have to go choi YD. it’s tm. YD: why act like you love music. would you go to the club if there were no girls. CY: girls are music. BN: then what type of music am I for you honey. CY: carol? MS says death metal. BN gets up to hit MS and says come here – I will show you.  MS: stop-  if you come one more step closer I will steal you from Yoon CY. CY gets up pretending to hit MS for speaking out of turn just cuz his mouth is open.  BN is pleased and says : hur – he got jealous. MS: hur – I was used. YD grins. CY gives MS something to eat that’s good for his heart.  CY says to BN: it’s a big problem cuz my BN makes a lot of guys hearts race. MS: that’s what you think. BN worries – is it ok to leave Kim Tan alone like that.  I heard he went to the police station and all. today too his face was all banged up. so YD worries.

YD is walking over to the club with his friends and asks MS over the phone – where are you? I arrived. it’s so loud – what? who did you say you saw? Kim Tan?  Tan staggers out of the club looking drunk. he runs into some guy who demands an apology for running into him. they start fighting but YD steps in and breaks it up. YD: the weather is cold so what are you doing. stop it. do you want to die.  Tan keeps trying to fight the guys so YD has to keep holding him back. then he punches Tan to get him to come to his senses. Tan hits back and so does YD. they both fall to the ground. Tan is all bloody. YD: if you miss Cha ES go and stare at her. Tan: I wont go anymore. you can have her. YD hears that and looks at Tan like he wants to hit him again.

(I say make a fist and throw that punch cuz Tan has it coming for saying that)

It was like a slap on the face for YD. By saying that Tan just insulted ES and YD both. She isn’t his property to give away and shame on Tan for assuming YD will stoop that low and take away his friend’s love just cuz Tan gave up. that precious love that Tan gave away – it’s what YD has been fighting to get but it has been out of his grasp cuz her heart belongs to Tan.

Like I told Joonni – I think my dormant feminism reared its head tonight the second I heard Tan say “you can have her.” I didn’t let it get to me during all the wrist grabs and sudden kisses, but this is where I draw the line. I get that he was drunk and miserable when he said that, but it still didn’t sound good no matter what language you heard it in. It made me so angry at Tan. Here she is – hanging on by a thread and barely keeping it together working at a new part time job that may end up being her only income source since her mom is struggling to find work. Living in a strange new home away from her friends and her previous life – yanked away overnight cuz of his father and forced to live like this all cuz she dared to love Tan and what does he do? gets drunk, picks fights with strangers, and now tells his best friend – the one he was just now starting to get back on good terms with – the guy who loves her with his whole heart and would do anything for her to love him in return – that’s the person Tan said those words to. I don’t know what YD will do next, but I say punch Tan again – really hard this time and knock some sense into him. This isn’t what you do when you are down – you don’t tear down your world and everything you hold dear cuz you cant endure your own misery. You keep being level headed and find another way to get her back. learn a lesson from your mom – getting drunk on wine doesn’t efface the bad choices she made in life -starting with falling in love with Tan’s dad.  Tan helped his mom see the error of her ways. she shouldn’t hide from society just cuz she was told to by his dad. it wasn’t just her fault for being the mistress and having Tan out of wedlock so why should she be the only one paying the price. why should his dad be the only one who gets to hold his head up and dictate other people’s lives. I don’t know what finally made Tan’s mom leave the house, but I’m so glad she did. It was years overdue and high time his dad start paying the consequences for his actions.  He alienated his sons and the women in his life – let’s see how he likes being miserable alone. Maybe in that solitude, his mistakes will haunt him enough to make him repent years from now. I wouldn’t bet on it being anytime sooner cuz he seems to be pretty set in his ways. it would be a miracle if he even owned up to his mistakes. The man can see clearly enough with what he deems are his son’s mistakes, but when it comes to his own, he is delusional and has blinders on. Everyone keeps talking about being made to kneel so his dad shouldn’t be the exception.  I don’t know who died and made him god, but I want Tan’s dad to crumble to his knees for a change.

Preview:

ES says to Tan’s dad- even now – without any change I like Tan.

his dad says why does this young thing not have any fear?

ES: since you said not to meet him I wont meet him.

 

Tan: when do I go to America.

Won yells at Tan: even if you do this nothing will change in this house.

Tan: save me.

 

Tan’s mom rushes out of her house. 

YD says to Tan: your mother came to the front of the school just now. hurry and go there.

*This time it’s YD’s turn to make Tan hurry and go meet his mom. after Tan takes off, YD runs after Tan

 

Tan says to his dad: you threw my mom away. now I will take responsibility of my mom.

dad says how will you take responsibility for your mom?

Tan: by seeing her part with you father.

 

YD and ES finally eat noodles together.

YD says to ES: go well. let’s not meet anymore. I am dumping you now.

*how much do you want to bet he will be crying once he is alone. Saying that without any tears has to be the hardest thing he has ever done.

 

ES: we were blinded by each other -will I be able to forget?

ES: Hi Kim Tan.

Tan: is it really you?

*I am now convinced – the only way we will get a happy ending for Tan and ES is if his dad dies. It’s pretty much the answer to everyone’s problems. well – except for YD. He was never meant to get his happy ending anyway the second she fell in love with Tan.

At first I wondered if YD was going to let ES go cuz it’s high time, but now I’m wondering if he did it for a much better reason. if Tan finds out that YD dumped ES, then Tan knows there is no one else he can entrust her with so maybe YD thought Tan will fight harder to keep her.

The dreaded time has come. Tonight’s events and the preview sort of made me realize something about the evolution of his feelings for ES. From day one it was separate from Tan – YD really liked ES all on his own and not as some rivalry competition. The fact that she was starting a relationship with Tan got in the way, but YD just didn’t know how far their feelings went for each other and thought he had a shot. But after watching everything Tan and ES is going through – the answer to the question YD was too afraid to ask was all too clear. Tan and ES needed courage to come together and be a couple, but Young Do will need it to let go. There is a Korean saying about how a person will get a thousand punishments for the sins or crimes they commit and now karma is coming after YD. After all the pain and suffering he inflicted on those innocent kids he bullied, YD has to know he had this coming. For the first time in his life he will love someone so much that he can willingly gamble the chance of his own pain just for the sake of seeing her again. Then just one more time, he will make another bigger sacrifice. He will let her go to the one she loves so he can see her finally be happy. My only hope for him is that one day when ES calls out his name, he won’t feel pain anymore. I want it to be replaced with contentment – the satisfaction of knowing he did the right thing in letting her go.

Tan’s been here before. Alone – staring at his own reflection-feeling the weight of abandonment, but the difference this time was the suffocating sense of loss. All the signs and hints were there that led up to that last scene, but Tan was too busy protecting ES to see them. He is too young to realize that once you have been caught, struggling and resistance is futile. ES chose not to fight it anymore cuz it only ends up hurting Tan in the end. Did she choose wisely? Tan’s heart would scream “no,” but when he dropped to his knees in tears at the end, his spirit gave another answer. He was wrong – age does matter. His dad had the wisdom (albeit cowardly) to manipulate ES behind Tan’s back and managed to bring his son to his knees in anguish. This dad doesn’t take any prisoners – not even his own family. Tan underestimated the depth of his dad’s cruelty and it’s one lesson Tan learned the hard way. Now we just have to see where the strength will come to get back on his feet. This is no longer about bearing the weight of that crown. Tan only said with words that he lost his dad and continued to live in that house, but tonight he is going to mean every word of it. He no longer has a father, in losing ES, Tan now has an enemy.

There is a line in a poem by W. H. Auden that fits YD’s attitude about love perfectly. “If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me.” This is exactly what he has been doing with ES and even with his friendship with Tan. YD might compete about everything else, but when it comes to his emotions, he doesn’t want to lose or win. Just by loving someone more, he knows he is gaining. It’s not a life lesson he learned from his abusive dad, but part of the reason why YD follows this is due to his dad’s neglect. Like I said before, I think YD is so good at loving ES cuz all those years, he accumulated love in his heart – just itching to share it with someone. Now he has two more people aside from MS and his dog to share it with.

It probably won’t come as a big shock, but I narrowed down the exact reasons why I love this character so much. Aside from the bullying thing, we have a lot in common. Just like him, I love to read to get insights about people – learning about human nature never gets tiring. All these episodes, we saw YD sitting back and watching people. Aside from MS, he didn’t seem to have that many friends and kept to himself – eating alone most times. He mentioned once that he has a habit of waiting. That stuck a chord with me cuz I remember this one time when a bunch of friends asked each other – how long each one would wait for the other. Turns out the average was 15 mins and they would leave. I think only two of us said we would wait past 30 mins. I added that the length of time I would wait depended on weather condition and if I had something to read. If I have a book with me, I can wait longer than usual, but if it’s cold outside or too hot, that time gets reduced. With YD – his reasons are totally different. I think he has the patience to wait around so much cuz he has more invested in the person he is waiting for. Since he is alone so much, if waiting for someone to keep him company is an option, he will choose it cuz loneliness is dictating how patient he can be. I don’t think it’s just due to being an only child either. it’s sort of ingrained in him to wait – the reward he gets outweighs any other nuisances. Tonight I learned there is one other thing I have in common with YD and it’s that both of us like remembering stuff most people would never think to remember. Like the fact that he remembers the first day they met – ES is oblivious, but YD has been cherishing that memory enough for the both of them. ES doesn’t know it but there were countless other times when YD furtively glanced over at her to read her expressions. At first I thought he was just looking to enjoy staring at her, but I realized he is storing away every minute they have together. YD is smart enough to realize he is reaching that stage in their relationship where denial doesn’t work anymore. He cant pretend he still has any chance with her – that he could mean anything more to her than a friend. That’s why he suddenly got defensive when she called them friends. He wasn’t ready to be considered her friend cuz he still wants to be more than that, but having her constantly rebuff him or downplay things and call him friend is reminding him to face reality. That’s why when he held onto that band aid she gave him and was staring at it, when MS asked if he got hurt, YD replied “I don’t know – not sure when I got hurt or if I haven’t healed yet.” Maybe he really doesn’t know that his relationship with ES has already evolved to friendship stage – that the pain from her rejection healed on its own. For his sake, I’m grateful that transition was so natural cuz I want him to see that friendship is not that bad. He doesn’t need to think that he is just settling for friendship – I rather he see that it just means he has come to terms with his feelings. This way he gets to keep Tan’s friendship as well. I really love how Tan gets that about YD. when YD chose to stay behind, Tan told him to get up so they can leave together. With all the distractions, Tan still remembered how lonely YD can be and didn’t want to leave him behind alone. That sort of bromance was surprising and the look on YD’s face just said it all. He got his friend back for real.

E16

ES’s mom tells ES how the chairman paid back their debt. does this have to do with the second son- tell me – why did he give us this much money. ES says to listen well to what I am about to say without misunderstanding cuz it might be hard to hear.

after accepting that ticket from the dad, ES went up the steps to Tan’s room and knocked on his door and asked to come in. he pulls her in and asked how she got past the guards and she lies “I ran in when they weren’t in their spots for a second cuz I missed you. he hugs her. ES: I missed you so much but I couldn’t call you on the phone. couldn’t talk to you even if we ran into each other so I came up to see you. Tan: it’s like you were a CG (computer graphic) you are in front of me but I couldn’t touch you. she says sorry  you are locked up -I think it’s all cuz of me. Tan: look at me – it’s not cuz of you. so that I am not longer shut in – I came back on my own feet. the way to be with you is not to be shut in with you. – but whatever I choose you have to trust me. I only have you left now. she asks what’s going on with you and he says I like you so she hugs him and cries as he cradles her in his arms.

Tan stares at the CCTV footage in the morning to watch ES leave for school. she goes out the gate then turns around and holds up a message for Tan saying I thought you might be watching. will come back after school. she leaves and tries not to look back

ES gets to school and reporters are around questioning kids. kids think it’s cuz of Tan and him being illegitimate. the mean girl wonders if the papers don’t write about charity cases deceiving them by pretending to be new money. a reporter asks ES if Tan comes to school these days. YD puts his arm around her in a protective gesture and says don’t ask stuff like that cuz the kid will feel hurt. MS takes photos of the reporters for doing this type of journalism. YD tells her to go to her right and pushes her along so she leaves. reporter asks do you know Kim Tan well?  who are you?  so YD says the third son in jeguk group. why? MS: I am the youngest daughter. ES smiles watching them being silly. YD: let’s go MS. MS: okay oppa. he takes YD’s arm like a girl and walks off with him. reporter says what are they? YD pats ES’s back and walks with her.

someone messed with her locker by writing graffiti all over and ruined her stuff by pouring soy milk on her gym clothes. YD sees the locker and says are you raising a cow in there? she says this is soy milk. he says why date Tan and suffer like this. he makes a call and says to her – I know what you are going to say but this wasn’t me (I didn’t do this). He orders lots of soy milk. when it arrives he tells her to step back and gets ready to throw milk at lockers. she holds his arm asking what are you going to do. he says – get revenge in your place. out of all of them one of them should be the culprit. ES: to ruin the culprit’s locker you are going to ruin all of them? YD: yes. ES: does that make sense? YD: why doesn’t it make sense. the culprit is among them. he gets ready to throw again so she holds onto him. ES: what sin/crime did the other kids commit. YD: what crime did you commit?  it makes her grin so he asks why smile? ES: now I get you choi YD. thanks for the thought but don’t do this. you shouldn’t play around with food. YD: you have to be thankful for the thought for you to smile huh? ES: now you know me too.   what are you going to do with all this. he says I paid for it so drink a lot Cha ES. he gives her a friendly pat on the back and walks off

ES passes out the milk to CY and BN saying YD bought it. BN: did you drink it? ES: yes. BN: there isn’t anything bad in it? like poison, something to cause diarrhea, stuff like that cuz YD wouldn’t pay for it for nothing.  ES gives BN the photo of CY as a kid and BN says how cute he is and asks if there are other pics –  a picture I can spread around after we break up to ruin his life.  ES tells them never to break up. BN: obviously. ES  says sorry to BN and hugs CY then she hugs BN. BN: why are you like this. it’s cuz you drank this. CY asks what is it – why? ES: just cuz – wanted to suddenly.

Yoon informs Tan about the chairman planning to send ES to study abroad. Tan goes and gets his phone from his dad and calls JS asking to come get him so he can go to school. his dad asks if Tan is doing this cuz he has those stocks and cuz of ES. Tan says yes and warns not to touch ES cuz I got a sword from you and I will use it if you touch her again. I will go to school and come back.

JS and Tan put on a show at school acting like a loving mother and son for reporters but the kids all know it was just for the sake of the reporters.

Tan goes in and grabs ES’s bag and belongings and takes her out of class to MS’s studio and goes through her stuff and finds the plane ticket. he says it’s for real. do you even like me. do you trust me. answer me. she says give it to me. Tan: want to die? he tears up the ticket. do you not take me seriously? how can you accept this and not tell me. when did you get this? did you get this and then came up to my room. this ticket means you cant come back to korea and don’t even think of coming back. but you took the ticket and came up and smiled. she says what could I do. I was so scared. if I left right away I wouldn’t be able to see you. other than that choice what could I do?  he says that’s why you should have told me so I can manage my dad. I lost everything now. all I have is you. i cant lose you too.  where I’m not there -please don’t be hurt- if you do then I will really go crazy. she cries and nods. he says sorry for always making you cry.

YD comes in and asks what is the issue to fight like this-  making the girl cry. she  picks up the torn ticket. Tan asks YD -hold onto her. I don’t like saying this but there is no other guy like you (I can trust). if you are going back to school then go together and bring her back here. don’t touch her. i will come for her by 8. YD says you’ve finally gone crazy – there is no guarantee that when you come back we will be here waiting. Tan says to YD –  i don’t have time to do this with you. I will go and come back. He leaves. YD sees her tears and asks why did you cry. don’t you have to repay my debt. cuz you didn’t write out an IOU, you are acting like it doesn’t exist. she says i will pay you back for sure. he asks when. she says after school – if we go eat noodles will that do?

when Tan goes to get ES from the studio she isn’t there. he calls ES and YD answers “hello.” ES can be heard saying give me the phone. Tan asks why are you answering ES’s phone. YD: how could I not pick up when it’s ringing in front of me. Tan: where are you? YD: here? in your heart. I’ll be hanging up.

ES takes her phone back saying – who do you young masters always pick up other’s phones but YD cuts in and asks “to make Tan kneel chairman JG made you kneel first didn’t he? is that correct? ES: it’s not like that. YD: not it – you got caught by Tan for doing that. ES: you said you wanted to eat noodles so why order dokbukki.  YD: we have to eat noodles next time so I can see you again. no it wont work. write an IOU -we still didn’t get to eat noodles. I cant trust you.  she writes on the wall “I will go with Choi YD to eat noodles- Cha ES.” YD: see – you wouldn’t be this obedient. why did you cry  a while ago?   she says to just eat. YD: since I wont get an answer out of you today I will overlook it.  did you memorize my number. she says i can barely memorize mine. he says memorize mine and Tan’s – call if anything happens. it would be even better if you call me for no reason. she says if you aren’t going to eat more let’s get up. if I’m late my mom worries. it’s really late already – today I don’t have a part time job. YD: I will send you. I have to let you go so Tan will throw a fit. that’s really fun. fuss. but take my car. ES: ok. he stays and looks at her contract on the wall.

Tan shows up and sits down. YD says ES left. Tan: she left so that’s why she must not be here. it’s not like you are a guy who wouldn’t send her away and Cha ES isn’t the kind of kid who would sit. YD: if you knew why did you come? Tan: thanks for that day -for coming to my home and helping me escape too. YD: do you not have another secret by some chance? like for example – truthfully you used to be a girl. it’s cuz I feel indignant about the card I held for 3 years being played so food doesn’t go down.  the problem is the nation gets interested in unnecessary things. Tan: let’s go. YD: just be happy and don’t get locked up again. I think he (your father) already did something to Cha ES.   Tan: I know so you don’t pay attention to it.  let’s go. YD says you go first. Tan says get up punk and don’t sit alone

Tan goes home to find his mom drunk from wine and his dad saying sarcastically to her – you sure are doing well. Tan goes over and tells her to get up. why sit on the floor like this. she says my son came. i cant go out with you so I was congratulating you alone at home with a glass. don’t say anything about it son. his dad says to her –  this is why i cant let you outside cuz you are like this. cuz you might cause trouble. you are a blemish/flaw in Tan’s life. she asks did I make that blemish only by myself?  just me? did I make Tan alone? the dad yells go in right now I said. Tan yells at his dad to not yell at his mom. my entire life is a blemish so even with more scratches it wont show. mom’s sky is this home’s ceiling – you are the one who made it that way. as a father or as a husband -don’t be cowardly anymore. I cant put up with it anymore. his dad asks if you aren’t going to hold back -what are you going to do. Tan: don’t be curious. I don’t know what I’m capable of doing these days (as in how far he will take things).  don’t make me holds hands with your enemy -don’t make me think about which of your enemy I hold hands with. ES crouched in the kitchen and listens. Tan takes his mom in

Won goes and knocks and yells for HJ to come out. she says I will give you 5 mins cuz I have to prepare for class tm. he says for a good long time – I cant come here anymore. I wont be able to see you so listen well. go to America for just 3 yrs and I will come and get you- go HJ. she says why would I go to America. this is my life so why are you making those decisions.   won: I am doing this cuz I want to be with you in your life. she yells we cant do that – you cant be with me. you know that so go. he holds her back and yells for her to go. i don’t want to show you me hitting rock bottom. I said I will come and get you. please go. she says something happened didn’t it. what is it.  he says this is why I am asking you to go. don’t read any of the articles about me. the things I held onto while letting you go – how worthless they are you don’t know. please don’t read them. she says ok i wont read them. he hugs her as she cries.

Tan texts ES asking where are you. she says at home- about to sleep. he says bring your passport and come out. if you don’t come out i will go in and rummage for it. she goes out with it and he takes charge of her passport. he pulls her into the pantry and closes the door. Tan: I told you i would come and get you. I told you to wait. please be where I told you to be. wait when I say wait. when I say don’t go – don’t go. listen to me from here on. got it? she nods yes. he suddenly kisses her – urgently -like all the fear he had and held back came out here. afterwards, he hugs her and says don’t go anywhere. promise. she cries and puts her arms around his waist.

next morning ES goes out and Tan is waiting with his driver. he tells her to get in the car. dad already saw on the CCTV – it’s ok so get in. if you care about how it looks it makes my efforts pointless

Tan meets with Won. Won: you have to take my side. Tan: that kind of stuff you have to ask for a favor. it’s correct to say “will you do it for me” and not “you have to do it.” There is a girl I like but dad wont leave her alone. so it would be nice if you got an apartment. won asks is she by any chance the kid who lives in the maid room? Tan: yes.   over some girl -are you saying you will vote for me right now?  Tan: yes cuz of that “some” girl I’m planning to do anything and this is the start of that.  but don’t say “some” girl cuz now that girl is my everything. Won: ok try to protect her. do you only need a home? you will need  a car too I bet. need a driver too. I will do everything so ask. Tan says call me after it’s all prepared

YD is holding onto that bandaid staring at it so MS asks what have you been doing since a while ago – did you get hurt somewhere? YD: I don’t know. not sure when I got hurt or if it hasn’t healed yet. are you going somewhere? MS: to eat with mom and dad. want to go with me. YD reminds him -your dad doesn’t like me. MS: even if my dad opposes I will feed you. these days you got thinner. let’s go. YD: i don’t want to – i have a previous appointment. MS: you are always like that. with who? when? where?  YD : sure of who and where, but I don’t know when – I will be going first.  MS asks are you going to wait out in front of Cha ES’s home. you shouldn’t do that. later on she will high kick you. it’s not like I haven’t done that (wait around for a girl)- I’ve done it before.

YD paces outside waiting for ES but gives up. he tells his driver she isn’t coming. let’s go. on the way stop by the convenience store.

YD gets out of the car and there she is sitting. he takes off his coat and puts it around her and sits down. she asks -what are you – why are you here. he looks pleased and says i knew in advance we had a previous appointment. but I really hate the cold so next time when you wait for me wait where there is a roof.  ES: who is waiting. if you are cold take this back but he makes her keep it on. YD: before I threaten you just wear it. the weather is cold so stop drowsing out in the open.  ES: I only did that once. YD: what a laugh. I saw you do it 3 times. ES: what? YD: one time early in the morning wearing sweats. cuz you didn’t wake up yet, you came out of Tan’s front gate -the day MS saw you. I think that was the first time we met. you don’t remember. two little kids this tall crying. on that day to protect you – I verbally fought with them – but you didnt even look back and left. ES: I really didn’t know. sorry. YD: it’s ok. normally I like knowing things only I know of. ES: you are a bad guy but also a good guy – it would have been nice if I knew that sooner. her words catch so YD says:  it’s not too late. starting from today let’s say it’s sooner. ES: let’s not do that. next time when you like someone – be good to her. don’t trip her cuz you want to hold her hand. don’t threaten her just to eat black bean noodles. it was for a short time but thanks to you I was warm. (she meant his coat but could have meant his friendship) thank you – I will be going. he holds her back and says don’t go. ES: I have an appointment with Tan. YD: don’t make me laugh. there is a jeguk group stockholders meeting today. how could Kim Tan have time to see you. she says i am going to see him for a short time before he goes. YD: I read about parting and running away so I know, but the look on your face now is not to go meet someone. it’s a face that is going to lose someone. what is it?   are you getting kicked out of Tan’s home. are you moving? she says you are a ghost. I am moving out soon. these days I am looking for rooms. let me know if there is a cheap room at your neighborhood. i will be going. she gets up and leaves. he sits there stunned.

*I don’t think your love has to be accepted to feel this much pain at the thought of losing her. He might not love her as much as Tan, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t love her enough. He did cuz just having these feelings for her made him whole. I hated that he guessed she was leaving “to lose someone and not meet someone.” Maybe it’s cuz he isn’t as close to her as Tan or maybe it’s from all that reading, but he senses stuff about her more acutely than Tan. YD picks up on her mood faster than he cares to cuz most times he isn’t able to do anything to make her problems go away. All he can do is sit back and watch her go through the pain. But there is a price for being so sympathetic – cuz he is feeling her pain with her and she will never know that.

Won gives Tan the entry card for the apartment and says you can move in today. when you go down the driver will give you a ride.  from here on that car – whether you use it or that child -use it how you will (it’s up to you). Tan doesn’t look at him and says ok I will be going. Won: you didn’t forget the stockholder meeting today right. you must attend. Tan: I know- the price of the sword I wielded is  that. I will be on time and go. Won: don’t let your guard down.  how long do you think it will take father to find that girl you are hiding. Tan: I know – he will probably find her right away.  but it doesn’t matter cuz I am showing him. for the past 18 yrs I loved father and you a lot -now that love has ended. the only thing left to me is that one kid.  so whoever I am – whatever my birth is -how old I am doesn’t matter -I will use my all to protect her. so it’s a warning to never touch her.

Won hasn’t seen this side of Tan before. He seemed pretty surprised by Tan’s strong conviction that he can protect ES. Won doesn’t have that kind of courage when it comes to the one he loves so it must have been surprising to find it in his younger brother.

YD sits in his car and watches ES staring into a shop window. she remembers the harsh things his dad said to her as she cried. ” since you are a smart kid, I thought she will realize soon but it was my mistake (expecting that).  those who grew up without anything are shameless-I forgot that again. a love at 18,  how could there be no fear. thanks to you – Tan lost me -his family and became a laughingstock to the world.  how much more are you planning to ruin Tan.” Tan goes over and back hugs her. she asks when he came and he says just now. YD watches them and drives away

*as harsh as it was for YD, he needed to see them being so lovey. It was a reality check for him to give up cuz he can never have this with ES. He might have fallen for her despite his wishes not to, but once you reach that stage of happiness that Tan and ES are at, there wont be any room in her heart for anyone else.

they are wearing couple sneakers. he asks do you like it that much. she says it’s our first couple item. I really wanted to do this. he asks still how could you buy this. when there is a time to spend money you sure spend it well.  she wants to take a walk since they have new sneakers to break them out. he says ok let’s go-  there is a place to go.

he takes her to her new place.  she asks what is this. whose home is it? he says your home. come out of my home. i’m uneasy/ nervous cuz of dad. bring your mother and move in tm right away. she asks does the chairman know too? Tan: he will know soon. even when he knows I will make sure he doesn’t touch you. I promise. ES: is this your way of getting me across all the thresholds in the world. Tan: it’s the start of that. for being clumsy about it – for it being this way – that it’s one-sided – sorry. I will get better. to get closer to a way you can understand. she looks at the dream catcher hanging by the window already. she starts to cry but tries to hold it in. Tan: when are you going to move? ES: tm. it’s time for the stockholders meeting. hurry and go. Tan: what about you?  ES: I will stay here a while longer and go. take pics to show my mom and look around some more. Tan: how will you get home. ES: you keep forgetting but I went to America alone.  don’t worry about me. she walks him to the door and they smile and wave at each other. he says doing this makes it seem like we are a married couple. ES: you said we were like a married couple and kisses him on the cheek like a wife. Tan: if you do this without any warning. ES: when did you ever warn and do something. Tan: I will go and come back. see you at home. she says i will wait for you at home. they wave some more and he leaves. she sobs behind the door after making sure he left. it’s like she held it in just until that door closed.

aftter the meeting his dad says ES – the girl you hid. she left korea an hour ago

Tan tries to call ES but the phone is disconnected.

Tan’s mom reads a letter from ES’s mom. “during all that time thank you for taking care of me. I was very sorry causing inconvenience all that time. I am really sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. please take care of your health and be well.” Tan goes in and asks where is ES. she says they left together without one word to me. he goes and checks her room and it’s empty. then he goes to her part time job and hears from the manager she quit her part time job. he checks her locker and it’s empty.  CY said over the phone – why are you always looking for ES from me. what happened? Tan keeps looking and ends up at the empty apartment he got for her. he looks out at the view of the city at night and remembers what his dad said – don’t forget today. for the price of the sword you wielded- you lost that girl. Tan stares at his reflection and cries. he gets on his knees and doubles over from anguishing sorrow.

*Tan probably isn’t connecting the memory yet, but he went through this once before. This is what happens when you’ve been blindsided – when the person you trusted would never abandon you actually does – with a smile on her face at that. His brother did this to him three years ago too- turning his back on Tan and making him go to America. Tan obeyed cuz he was a naïve kid seeking to salvage any sort of connection to his brother who was distancing himself. He actually believed if he did what Won wanted, they could still keep some sort of brotherly relationship. Back then, Tan didn’t have any power to do anything or change his situation in life. But that was another time and a different person.  Now armed with the love he has for ES, he is going to fight back this time and not let her slip through his fingers. He won’t allow her to go through what he already did three years ago. He knows all too well how miserable that kind of life can be so there is no way he will allow her to endure it alone. That’s why I hope when his emotions die down, he will see she left him for his sake and maybe that realization will alleviate some of his resentment. Like with so many other things, he has no middle ground – so instead of chalking this up to her not trusting him enough, maybe he will see it as a chance to prove that she can.

We have all been here at one point or another in our lives when circumstances caused us to fall to our knees in defeat. Some got up right away -their pride unable to acknowledge that they lost, while others struggled to even sit upright. It took a while for me to imagine what sort of thoughts must be going through his head at this moment. Regret maybe? wishing that he did things differently. feeling the sting of betrayal that ES didn’t believe in him enough to remain. feeling both lost and loss cuz his arms won’t have anyone to hold or anyone to hold him.  maybe his head is bowed for another reason – a silent prayer that this isn’t happening. If there was ever a scene that perfectly encapsulated a lost soul – this would be a top contender. So many times tonight he kept saying how ES is the only one he has left so not having her around will mean he sacrificed so much for a person who didn’t have the courage to stay. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t blame ES one bit for leaving. She saw for herself that his father wasn’t lying when he said that Tan lost so much for her sake, but it’s too bad that she didn’t see that Tan truly believed she was worth that kind of sacrifice. If the situation had been reversed, I don’t think even ES has it in her to do what Tan did.  One thing is for sure – I bet this is where Tan is going to stay now. He won’t go back home. He will either bring his mother out of there to live with him or just come out of the house on his own. Tan won’t be able to stand looking at his father without seeing only hatred. Everyone knew when we stepped into this fictional world of Heirs, we would see battles fought and lines drawn or crossed, but I never expected to see fallen heroes struggling to stand again.  I can only imagine one person who can step into that room and help Tan to his feet. In a perfect drama world, it would be YD, but I’m hoping it will be Won. It’s high time he stepped up as a hyung and did something right for his younger brother for a change. their father is a lost cause, but I still have faith this brotherhood can be salvaged. Picking his brother up off that floor would be a great start.

Tonight is the first time I realized ES has been caught in the cross fire for a very long time- not just between Tan and his fight with his family right now, but also between Tan and YD a few episodes ago and if you go back even more – between her sister, her mom, and wanting to live more freely without the burden of earning money with so many jobs. Wherever Tan’s dad sent her, at least there, her mom won’t have to worry about repaying any debts and they will have something to live on. For the first time in her young life since her father passed away- ES will be free of the burden of being poor. No one will be making decisions for her and she can choose to do what she wants now – study, travel, stuff she always wanted to have the luxury of doing. But we all know one thing will be foremost on her mind during that whole time. She is going to worry about Tan. It’s one thing to be told you are the only person he has left, but it’s another thing when you feel the same about him. At this stage, I don’t know how each of them will function without the other. I was relieved that her mom at least went with her, but I can’t help being curious about something. What if they never left? what if the dad only said she did, but somehow ES convinced his dad to let her stay somewhere remote in Korea. Her mom won’t be able to work in a foreign country and ES still needs to finish the rest of her senior year so I don’t think it makes sense to send her abroad unless the writer planned a time jump. Neither option sounds reasonable though with only four episodes left. unless Tan is really bad about hiding things – would he leave her passport lying around so ES could get it back so easily. Torn tickets can be replaced, but his dad can track if she got on that flight or not and without a passport, that’s going to be tough to do. The timing for the story right now doesn’t fit a jump yet. Just the illusion that she left makes more sense. Normally you separate couples for a while towards the middle of the drama, not this late in the game. Maybe I’m just wishful thinking cuz I don’t want to see Tan so torn up, but it’s also for YD’s sake. He finally got in touch with his inner nice guy persona – would really hate to see that go to the wayside again cuz YD is going to go ballistic if she is gone. Tan ‘s reaction to her departure was painful enough to watch so I don’t have the heart to see YD falling to pieces too. If there was ever a time for prayer – this might be it. Can a collective prayer move a mountain and make the last four episodes epic.