A few weeks ago, I was reminded of a movie I used to love called “Shadowlands.” It was loosely based on the true story about C.S. Lewis and his wife Joy. She had cancer and didn’t live that long after they were married. In a poignant scene, she laid out the bare truth for her husband: “The pain then is part of the happiness now. That’s the deal.” I think this rings true for Yeon-jae and Ji-wook as well. All the happy times they had up to now will be intermingled with the sadness later. You can’t have one without the other. Ji-wook will only feel the sense of loss and despair as a direct result of having shared so much joy and happiness with Yeon-jae while she was alive. As viewers it’s hard for us to watch this play out since we’ve come to care for this couple so much that we go through the gamut of emotions with them. The optimist in me wants to keep believing there will be happy moments again before the drama ends. That I won’t have to do any more screencaps like this one that depict how miserable these two feel living apart. But then the realist side keeps reminding me this is a melodrama so I should have anticipated all this anguish. All I can say at this point is – keeping the faith has never been so hard.
written before E12 aired:
Somewhere along the way I lost my objectivity for dramas I love. Before I started doing recaps, I could remain objective about each episode and say if it was slower than others or more fun but I just can’t do that anymore. Once I care about the drama to the extent that I can find no faults with it, I know that it’s either a keeper or I am too blind to see what’s really there. In this case, last night I had no qualms about what J or Y did. I took their actions to be what people in their situations might do and I didn’t dwell on the “what ifs.” So far I like the increments of progress we are making towards the inevitable end of her life and I have a lot of faith in this drama not to frustrate us for the next 5 episodes. Everything will play out the way it was meant and I don’t want it to go any faster or slower at this point. The only think I am praying for is to be able to hold it together and not cry so much during these live recaps, but that’s like asking for a miracle.
* News about Ojakkyo Brothers: I just watched E8 and this drama is seriously growing on me. Even the fact that it’s 50 episodes isn’t scaring me that much. After SOAW ends, this may end up being the weekend drama I pick up next if it continues to be this good. I won’t cover it live more than likely and just do paired recaps each weekend and post on Sunday night. Even if I do that, more than likely I will still be faster than any subs for this at least. Is anyone else watching this?
Scent of a Woman E12
Starts from when J called out her name and he asks for the last time what she wants. After J walks away, E watches her cry.
J gets in his car and cries.
E sits with Y. E: I am not sure you have to go this far. Y: I loved my dad but I resented him a lot too. our home was turned upside down and every day I was afraid so I couldnt attend school properly-why did my dad have to have cancer -why couldnt he have been healthy like other dads – I really hated my dad -after joking with my friends and burst out laughing – I felt guilty like I committed a sin -can I be doing this? with eating, sleeping -all of it-my heart wasnt at ease -if he stays by my side – that will happen to that person too. he wont be able to laugh, eat, or sleep. even after I die – for a really long time. I dont want to turn him into that
J finally stops crying and pulls out of the parking lot.
Y says she will be going and E offers to take her but she says she wants to be alone.
flashback moments of Y and J together
her mom asks what Y is doing. Y is sorting thru her clothes and books to throw away or give away stuff she doesnt need. her mom asks why she is spring cleaning. her mom says she can wear some of those. Y offers to buy her mom clothes. her mom says it’s ok but if you want to then cant be helped. Y: let’s go out
Y takes her shopping. Y buys her clothes and bags. her mom asks if Y can spend so much money like this. Y says it’s ok. her mom sees winter coats and tells Y to buy one and her mom offers to buy one. cuz last year Y wanted a proper coat. Y says she doesnt think she will need a winter coat. her mom says how cold it is in the morning and evening – winter will be here soon
Y goes home and stares at her clock. and remembers how her mom says winter will be here in no time cuz in the morning and evening it gets colder.
Y goes to that bakery. she remembers and has a flashback of how her teacher held her hand and put his other hand on her shoulder. he said her name but she told him to let go of her.
her female teacher asked Y to speak the truth – did that teacher (Kim dong) (not sure which word it is: molest/sexually harass) her. her friend says to Y- that teacher got fired – isnt it good?
when the man goes out to greet his customer goodbye, Y is standing there saying – I am sorry teacher. I was wrong -I was wrong teacher. I didnt like that you liked my mom cuz I thought of my dad who had passed away -I wanted to separate you from my mother -so that is why I did that. he asks:what is the reason you are doing this suddenly? you buried it for 16 yrs and lived well. Y: I couldnt face it – it weighed on my heart every day. please forgive me teacher. student says she came for her cake. he says he knows and asks her to wait inside. he tells Y he is busy now. she walks away
girl goes to meet E. she says how cool he was dancing the tango. how did you end up dancing with Y. after you asked me to dance with you. while I was gone, you two didnt lock eyes right? (get interested in each other) E: we already knew each other – went to school together. girl asks why E didnt tell her that sooner. he asks why he needed to. girl: I am so envious I am becoming jealous. how is Y’s condition -if she has that kind of cancer – isnt it the most serious? E:I’ll be going first
E’s patients greet him -one says how he didnt even imgaine E could dance like that. other patient says he heard E’s partner was also a patient. E:yes. the other man says after he heard that he got more energy and thinks he should learn something too. E: it will help your treatment. *I think this was one of her bucket list – to leave traces and affect people.
E remembers how Y asked him to save her cuz she wants to live. he calls Y and asks how her body feels
E goes to meet Y. E asks why she looks tired. she says how happy ppl look happy and weather is colder so fall seems to be coming. I wish time would go by faster. he says to stand so they can walk some.
Kang goes to talk to J. he asks if J isnt going to go off work. J: I will. kang asks J to eat dinner with him. J says he doesnt want to. kang: want to take a trip – I will give you vacation time. go and settle your feelings and come back. but J says he is fine and doesnt need to. I will be going first
J goes to the gym and runs on the treatmill and S joins him. S: isnt a health club boring? she says if he keeps it up he will get hurt (cuz he was running too fast). she asks how many miles he ran. J: there is no way you came all this way cuz of me. S says she did – cant you give me a chance too-the side of me I showed you all this time isnt who I really am. he walks off
in the locker room he throws his towel * you know something is wrong when even his abs can’t cheer you up – well at least not as much as it used to. *sigh*
J and S are drinking. he pours and tells her to drink and he drinks his first. J: what is it that you want? marriage? ok let’s get married within this month. what day do you have nothing much to do? S:KJW shi. J: we were set to marry anyway. so I am saying let’s just do it. you dont by any chance want to date me or love – it seems you do . S: when I asked for a chance – I meant it. I thought we could start at least. I dont know why I am like this but I dont dislike you. so dont just say whatever you want -you dont have the right to step on my pride
H says she came to tell Y something. Y says that’s good cuz she has something to give H. H:what? Y gives her earrings H wanted to have. H says yes but why are you giving this to me suddenly. Y: cuz I wanted to give it to you. Y asks what H wanted to say. H says she set the date – she is getting married. Y:really? congratulations. when is the wedding date. H says she is getting married on the 27th. Y: this month on the 27th? H: that is cuz after hearing what you said – it was good that I thought it over. I am pregnant. the other side made a fuss so that is why this happened. since it’s embarrassing I cant tell anyone. I cant abort the baby now so ppl will know the baby was had out of wedlock. I have to think this is my life’s troubles. Y:what are you saying. H: I am really sorry to you. Y:what are you sorry for – I am so glad to be able to see my close friend marry before I go. she congratulates her. her mom comes in and asks if H is crying again. you two are acting strange. Y says how H is getting married. isnt that good? her mom congratulates H but gives Y a look.
Y walks her out and asks what she wants for her wedding gift. she offers a fridge. H: it’s ok I decided to go live in that family’s home so I dont need stuff like that at all. Y offers a honeymoon trip but H turns her down and asks Y to go look at wedding dresses. Y says how she should do that with her fiance. H: he keeps working late all night and he doesnt have the sense to choose stuff like that. Y agrees
her mom mutters how they should have cleaned up after they ate. when Y comes in her mom asks what H’s finace does for a living. Y says he works for the government – isnt that great. her mom yells at Y asking – what are you going to do? even at that age – where is someone who hasnt married? there were just the two of you left so since H gets married-you are the only one left- dont you feel anything? can you be in the mood to congratulate in this situtation? Y: then you dont want me to congratulate her? her mom:dont you have any pride? if H can get married why cant you? to be honest what is there that you cant do better than H? (meaning Y is better than H) Y: how can you think that? her mom yells back that she cant stand to see H so happy and resents it. her mom tells Y to look into jobs tm -not part time or line tour but find a proper job so she can meet a guy. I cant ask anyone to introduce you (set you up for blind dates) cuz I am embarrassed you are just playing around. it’s not just a day or two so I cant stand to watch you around the home anymore so get a job right away-got that. Y: I dont want to. her mom: what? you played for a month so that should be enough. you are getting older and without a job how much longer are you going to play? Y: please stop. when you dont know anything. her mom:what do I not know? Y: you think my heart is at ease? H getting married – you think I am just happy? her mom: that is why I am telling you to get married. she says she cant stand to look at Y. Y goes in her room and cries.
J is staring at the plant. J’s maid says how J didnt eat anything at all. she tells him to make sure to eat the stew she made him. he asks her to move that plant where he cant see it. she takes it and tells him to rest. he calls S. (*where did the maid move that plant to I wonder)
S goes out to meet J. J: where should we go? they go to look at cars. she tells the sales guy they will look around themselves. she asks J to choose one cuz she doesnt know about cars. he says how she wont care about price and stuff so all they have to do is look at the design. S: you are right.
Y is on the phone with E and says how her friend is getting married so she is going to look at wedding dresses. he asks about her dinner so she says she is going to eat with H. he tells her not to eat anything that isnt good for her body and dont drink alcohol. Y says he is busy so he doesnt need to call her everyday. E: did I do that? Y: yes – I have to go so I will hang up now
Y tells her mom how she is going to go eat with H so dont wait up
H tries on dresses. H: how does it look? Y: it’s pretty. H: really? my tummy doesnt stick out (meaning I dont look pregnant)? Y:no. H: what do I do if ppl make insult me for being an old bride. is the waist too tight? the girl says it fits perfectly. H tells the girl how she is pregnant. the girl congratulates her and offers to make the waist a little looser. H gets a call. into the phone, H says she is trying it on. right now? how can you forget that. we were supposed to eat (her and Y)
H says sorry cuz her fiance forgot he called his aunt over to meet H. Y tells her it’s ok and to go. H: I am sorry next time I will buy dinner. Y walks away from the shop but sees a dress and goes back in. the girl says you are the one who came with your friend – did you leave something behind. Y: no – sorry but could I try on a dress. the girl says she can. the girl says- it looks really good on you- you must be getting married soon. when women want to try on wedding dresses -like a lie then end up getting married right away. Y asks her to take a picture.
kang asks J about work. kang says how he called S cuz he heard they were meeting again. S shows up and says her meeting ran late. he asks about her dad’s health. she says he is well. kang: that’s good – that the two of you are meeting again – I was so glad after hearing the news. it’s too bad about the engagement since there werent that many ppl who knew about it -we dont need to worry about it. since it turned out this way – let’s just skip the engagement and go straight to wedding. what do you think S? J: father – that problem we will take care of it on our own-after we meet- if we have feelings -whether we date or marry-shouldnt we decide that? if we dont like each other then it cant be helped. that is what others do and we are going to do that too. so please dad leave it alone. S agrees saying – what J said is right – we only met twice properly. kang: ok anyway my heart feels at ease.
S asks him up for a drink before he goes. J: next time. she asks when he will have fun when he is with her. he says he doenst know – go up and rest. he drives off.
Y looks at her list. she puts the pic of her wearing the wedding dress next to E5 and cries.
she rips up her bucket list and cries more. she throws the plant to the floor. she goes and gets soju and drinks it. she remembers J telling her he loves her. and how he wont come again.
she goes to his house and stands outside. J pulls up. she hid behind the shrubs. she watches him go up and cries. he turns around to look where she had been but she is gone
Y’s mom sees the soju bottle and the plant that Y threw and wonders what is going on. Y comes home and her mom asks – did you do this? are you crazy- how could you throw the plant like this. Y sits down on the floor. her mom asks why she is like this – are you drunk? Y: it’s too hard. I am having a hard time mom. her mom apologizes- you must have been upset cuz of H’s wedding too- I was wrong. she hugs Y
other doc tells E how the hospital director doc wants to invite Y to have dinner with him cuz of her $50,000 donation last time and also cuz the response was so good from how she danced the tango with E. it seems she gave patients hope. that was the message she gave other patients. cuz he was thankful for that he wants to invite Y to dinner. this doc tells E to call her and set a date. E calls Y.
Y’s mom says she has to go out but Y isnt there.she wonders when Y cleaned up her room. Y’s phone rings. she picks up Y’s phone. E: it’s me. her mom: I am not Y- I am her mother. E: hello. Y’s mom: what to do. Y cant take the call now. E:why? Y’m: she must have left her phone and went out. you can give me a message and I will relay it to her. E says it’s ok- I will call back later. Y’s mom: ok then call back later. E:yes. her mom wonders why Y is like this these days
H goes to see J and gave him an invitation to her wedding. he congratulates her. she thanks him. H: but director – are you going to break up like this with Y? Y really likes you a lot. that fool fell for you at first sight. you like Y a lot too. isnt that why you broke off your engagement? couldnt you keep staying by her side? J: it’s all over. H: so you are really going to end it like this? J: it’s what Y wants.H: Y is thinking of you and did that-for your sake. J: that is why I am going along with her wishes. he tells H to leave
Y’s mom calls H and asks if she is with Y. H: no why? Y’s mom: she left her phone at home and I feel uneasy. these days she was acting strange – she drank and broke precious plants. H says it’s probably nothing- dont worry – Y probably went out front of the house. if she calls me I will call you.
H calls E. he says how Y didnt come to the hospital. ok i will call you right away.
E asks his nurse if Y has an appt but she says Y doesnt. E calls J and asks if he is with Y right now. J: no – did something happen. E: it’s nothing. J: if it’s nothing why would you call me. E says if Y calls please let me know. I will hang up now
that teacher gets a note from Y. he reads: teacher – from a long time ago I knew I had to apologize to you but I couldnt cuz I couldnt find the courage to do that -i guess I am being selfish to want your forgivess with one word of “I am sorry” but even though it’s this late – I think I have to make sure to say this – thank you for covering up my terrible lie. she watches from outside as he reads. he goes out and she isnt there
J is pacing and worrying
E goes to the dance class and asks if Y came. R say she didnt. V: did anything happen to audrey? E: if she comes please call me
J calls E. J: you still cant reach her? E: yes – I came to sueno but she isnt here – is there somewhere else she would go besides here? J says he will go look.
J drives and goes to where he gave her roses and fireworks. she is sitting there remembering that moment.
J finds her there. he takes a few steps towards her and remembers how she said she didnt want him to see her as she is dying. he gets a call from E. E: did you find her by any chance. J :yes. E: where is that place. J: yes -that’s the place. he turns around and leaves
E goes to where Y is. E: what are you doing here – do you know how much I worried. Y: how did you know about here. E: KJW told me. Y: that person was here? E: if you are going to be like this – why did you say to break up – go catch him if it’s hard – dont sit here like this. Y: I wish my life ended like this. E says her name
H tells her mom not to worry cuz they found her and she will be home soon. her mom says it’s weird – did something happen to Y? she is not that kind of kid. one day she suddenly quit work. these days she is not acting like she used to. is there anything you know. Y comes home with E. her mom yells at Y: where were you? do you know how worried I was? you arent going thru puberty so why are you upsetting me these days. H tells her mom to yell at her later. H takes Y inside. Y’s mom: i cant live (cuz of her). her mom looks at E. he bows to her. she recognizes E as that guy from the blind date she was set up on. E: yes
she walks him out. she asks if he called earlier during the day.E: yes. she says how she saw him last time when he picked up Y before. what is your relationship with Y. he says how they went to school together. please take care of Y. I will be going now. she wonders why he said to take care of Y
H: should I not get married? it weighs on my heart cuz I shouldnt have said i was getting married. Y: that’s not it – I am tired so I want to sleep
E calls J and says how Y went home ok. J: ok. E: KJW -thank you for today. J is sitting where Y was.
H’s wedding. Noh asks how much R put in. R: $50. Noh says how R is cheap for not putting much money in. R asks how much Noh put and he says $200- should I only give $100? nam asks if they arent going in to see the bride. R checks out nam and she frowns.
they go and talk to H and say how pretty H looks. Noh: be good to the groom and just be thankful he is marrying you. Noh remarks how R should feel frustrated cuz he is going to turn 40 the day after tm so Nam asks if R is still not 40 yet (cuz she thought he was way past that) H asks if they saw Y. Noh: dont want to see her
Y is sitting at home dressed to go
H worries wondering why Y isnt coming. Y shows up. H: why are you coming so late- I thought you werent coming. Y: you look pretty my friend. H: I am wearing the earrings you gave me. Y: live a happy long long life. she tells H not to cry or her makeup will smear. woman says the wedding is starting. Y: wipe your tears – let’s go
H walks with Y behind her. J shows up and Y sees him and he sees her. they lock gazes. she cries and goes in.
J and Y both watch the wedding but J looks over at Y. he watches her crying. she backs up and leaves.
J walks out and watches her leave and goes too.
he pulls up in his car to an intersection and watches her almost get run over as she crosses the street when the crosswalk light hasnt turned green. Cars swerve to avoid her. J drives quickly over and uses his car to block a car from hitting her. he wakes up for second to look at her and then loses consciousness as blood runs down the side of his head. she stands there shocked and cries.